I tell you, this gettin' back to work full time is tough on an ol' guy like me.
I can remember the days when I could exist on 'bout 5-6 hrs sleep and have enough energy to get done what I needed to get done the next day...ceptin' maybe when I had one of my trophy hangovers. Sure glad I gave up the boozing.
As a matter of fact there are people who I haven't even met yet who are glad I quit drinking.
I'm still doing a lot of Dr. stuff, check-ups...lab work...etc., but not as much as I used to. And my energy level is coming bck but I fear maybe not to the level it once was drinking or not.
I'm re-conditioning myself to spending more time at the office.
There's still a lot of stuff that needs to be done at home and for the most part I'm getting it done.
It's a little strange not having anybody around to "help" me. After more'n 2 years of having either nurses or caregivers giving me a hand I really don't hav anybody close at hand. Still got some great friends who are there for me when I run up against something that an ol' guy needs help with.
Have an amazing friend who was born with the spiritual gift of fixing things as opposed to me who was born with the gift of messing things up. Be it my vehicle, and electric problem with something at the house, or repairing a shed door that blew off in a windstorm I can call him and somehow he does that which is impossible for me to do.
He was born with a hyper fix-it gland and I was simply born without a fix-it gland.
Went to lunch today with an old friend who wants me to find a buyer for his house...and I'm certainly gonna try.
I'm starting to feel comfortable with the whole Buyer Broker thing...just working with Buyers and passing on the listings to those who are more suited to that.
I've got an explanation of "Buyer Agent/Broker" on my website: www.livingindoors.com if'n your curious for any reason and want a "job description".
Anywho, going back to the first sentence of this paragraph I was gonna go into into a thing about my arms but then I sidetracked myself.
My arms.
In addition to, but somehow complimenting the chemo that I take, I take a couple of different steroids.
What they do, a.k.a. a side effect, is that I get these plum colored splotches on my arms which are rather curious. Some are less than the size of a dime but others are silver dollar sized or irregularly bigger.
Also my arms and the back of my hands have developed a condition known as parchment skin. The skin tears easily if I bump up against something or whatever and so I bleed alot if I don't wear these black protectors on my forearms and motorcycle gloves, a.k.a. Michael Jackson fingerless gloves for protection.
But on account of I had to go get blood work today I didn't wear the "protection" and while we were in Subway, I saw a little kid look at me and literally hide behind his mothers skirt. He didn't particularly like the way my arms looked...don't know what he thought but I'm sorry I scared him.
And my energy level...like I said it's gettin' better.
But I've started tis thing of being just exhausted and whenst I go to bed at 10:30 or whenever, as soon as I lie down I'm wide awake and have a horrible time getting into that REM sleep thing which makes it difficult for me to get up & get goin' in the morning.
And then about once a week I just crash and I will sleep soundly after I get to sleep and I'll wake up after about 10 hours of solid sleep and wonder what time it is anf get upset with myself because I wasted the better part of a morning sawing slumber logs.
Oh, well.
Could be way worse.
I'm a cancer survivor & I get to continue on even if I waste a morning or two.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Friday, June 22, 2012
Wellst, here it be towards the end of June, 2012...my how time flies when you're having fun! This whole cancer gig has really been an Adventure, although because I'm a kid of the '60s instead of calling it an Adventure, what floats around in my mind is, "What a trip"!
Adventure ~ Trip ~ Whatever, it really has been an experience.
I've had just a ton of thoughts run through my mind since March of 2010 when I was diagnosed and that "since" just goes on.
So to recap, sorta, I'm in remission...sorta.
It's what I learned is called "forced remission" by those in the know.
I still do chemo, which keeps me in remission, forceably so.
They can't really "cure" me because Multiple Myeloma is alternately referred to as Bone Marrow Cancer or a Blood Cancer and so to really "cure" me they would have to like kill off all my bone marrow and/or blood and/or something like that which wouldn't spell "gud" for me.
I take a chemo pill 14 days on and 14 days off, something called Aridia which is supposed to keep my bones sturdy*, something initialized as IVIG which I think is supposed to bolster my immune system and the Valcade which is an IV chemo that I get if'n my Myeloma markers spike. I get my blood checked weekly to check on that and some other stuff.
All this to "worry" 'bout my cancer when the general medical consensus is that it's gonna be pneumonia that takes me as my lungs are weakened because of the treatments I've had for the cancer.
So, I gotta watch out and not hang around people with runny noses and who cough a lot, dress warm whenst it be cold and currently wear a mask if the smoke from the High Park fire seems to be oppressing, especially white smoke which contains ash and other fire related particulants.
Not this past Sunday but the Sunday before when I went to church the air seemed fine and so it seemed when I got home. Yet a couple of hours later I stepped out the front door to go to the car to get something and just got "slammed" with the smoke!
I grabbed what I needed and went back into the house where I had the AC on, upon recommendations of my Docs who suggested that I have it on in the house and when I drive, plus in my house and at my office I have air filtration jobbies.
The next morning I cautiously opened the door and the air quality seemed ok so I went to the Jeep and openned the door and said to myself, "What the heck?"
Seems I'd left the sunroof open and there was so much ash in the Jeep that I thought I needed to go to the car wash and vaccuum it all out!
Tis really good to be back at work and in my office. After several aborted attempts which came to abrupt ends in which I wound up in the hospital I decided to pay attention to my Docs, some really good friends, by brother and sister and take it easy and not try to do "things" too fast.
I haven't and all feels right.
One thing about it feeling right, this back at work thing, is that my energy level seems to stay up and I don't have an afternoon physical/mental crash where I had to just go take a nap because i was exhausted.
You know, for years I've been tellin' my Boss Lady Fran that there's something special about the air and the atmosphere here to RE/MAX Advanced and I've once again proved it by exerience!
I'm back on the bloggin' trail!
*You know, that's soooooooo funny because legend has it that when I was like in Kindergarten or there abouts I quit drinking milk and no one could get it outa me why I had...'cept my Gramma who probably plied me with Oreos and got me to tell her the reason why. Seems my mom had told me that milk would give me "sturdy" bones but I had mis-heard her and thought she said "dirty" bones and I didn't wanna have "dirty bones"!
Adventure ~ Trip ~ Whatever, it really has been an experience.
I've had just a ton of thoughts run through my mind since March of 2010 when I was diagnosed and that "since" just goes on.
So to recap, sorta, I'm in remission...sorta.
It's what I learned is called "forced remission" by those in the know.
I still do chemo, which keeps me in remission, forceably so.
They can't really "cure" me because Multiple Myeloma is alternately referred to as Bone Marrow Cancer or a Blood Cancer and so to really "cure" me they would have to like kill off all my bone marrow and/or blood and/or something like that which wouldn't spell "gud" for me.
I take a chemo pill 14 days on and 14 days off, something called Aridia which is supposed to keep my bones sturdy*, something initialized as IVIG which I think is supposed to bolster my immune system and the Valcade which is an IV chemo that I get if'n my Myeloma markers spike. I get my blood checked weekly to check on that and some other stuff.
All this to "worry" 'bout my cancer when the general medical consensus is that it's gonna be pneumonia that takes me as my lungs are weakened because of the treatments I've had for the cancer.
So, I gotta watch out and not hang around people with runny noses and who cough a lot, dress warm whenst it be cold and currently wear a mask if the smoke from the High Park fire seems to be oppressing, especially white smoke which contains ash and other fire related particulants.
Not this past Sunday but the Sunday before when I went to church the air seemed fine and so it seemed when I got home. Yet a couple of hours later I stepped out the front door to go to the car to get something and just got "slammed" with the smoke!
I grabbed what I needed and went back into the house where I had the AC on, upon recommendations of my Docs who suggested that I have it on in the house and when I drive, plus in my house and at my office I have air filtration jobbies.
The next morning I cautiously opened the door and the air quality seemed ok so I went to the Jeep and openned the door and said to myself, "What the heck?"
Seems I'd left the sunroof open and there was so much ash in the Jeep that I thought I needed to go to the car wash and vaccuum it all out!
Tis really good to be back at work and in my office. After several aborted attempts which came to abrupt ends in which I wound up in the hospital I decided to pay attention to my Docs, some really good friends, by brother and sister and take it easy and not try to do "things" too fast.
I haven't and all feels right.
One thing about it feeling right, this back at work thing, is that my energy level seems to stay up and I don't have an afternoon physical/mental crash where I had to just go take a nap because i was exhausted.
You know, for years I've been tellin' my Boss Lady Fran that there's something special about the air and the atmosphere here to RE/MAX Advanced and I've once again proved it by exerience!
I'm back on the bloggin' trail!
*You know, that's soooooooo funny because legend has it that when I was like in Kindergarten or there abouts I quit drinking milk and no one could get it outa me why I had...'cept my Gramma who probably plied me with Oreos and got me to tell her the reason why. Seems my mom had told me that milk would give me "sturdy" bones but I had mis-heard her and thought she said "dirty" bones and I didn't wanna have "dirty bones"!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Whew...
I ain't even gonna go back and see when the last time I blogged was, but it was a fur piece aback...
Anywho, we'll pretend that it was prior to my last visit with Dr. Lee at the University of Colorado Hospital in Denver.
And actually my last visit with Dr. Lee was really my first visit in quite a while as he had been on a "Medical Sabbatical" and his return to UCH was questionable...but he did return.
Soooooooooooo, after his perusal of my latest PetScan, X-rays, MRI, CatScan and blood work his conclusion was, as was hoped...and prayed for, thank you!... was that my "forced remission" was firmly in place!!!
That was the good news.
Why does there have to be good news/bad news scenarios that go hand in hand?
Well, seems that in perusing all tests he came with the conclusion that although my Multiple Myeloma was well in hand, I was having lung issues identified as Fungal Pneumonia. Because Dr. Lee had been away from my case on a "hands on" basis, he did not want to say whether the crud in my lungs was new crud or lingering/lurking crud from 6 months ago.
He whipped out his prescription pad and wrote out a prescription for V************ade (close 'nuff), and said "You go home, get this filled and take it right away!"
So I hauled derriere home and went to Sam's Club Pharmacy and they didn't have it but called the local WalMarts and they didn't have it either.
I sojourned tothe nearest Walgreens and they didn't have it but called the 1411 oher Walgreens in Ft. Collins and found one that had it.
I thenst scooted 'cross town to the appointed Walgreens, told them what I was there for and the Pharmacist casually rang it up and said, "(sic)...I just had to do that...That'll be $2,700 and some change, please."
"Holy fill in the blank!", I silently screamed.
Out loud I asked if that was with my insurance and was met with, "Oh, you have insurance?", towith I said, "Yup."
So, she got on the phone as my insurance was noted in their system and came back a few minutes later to tell me that they needed "prior authorization" from the insurance co. and that with my insurance it would be $180.ish., but it would be probably 48 hours to effect that.
Oh, ok.
So I go home...now in the meantime my gout had been manifesting itself slowly for a period of a couple of weeks and where making my ankles and my knees sooooooo ouchy that it was beginning to be difficult to walk.
Well, that's partially my fault because my gout medicine had gone from $30 for a 90 day supply to almost $500, but with assurance from my pharmacist that it would be going back down to $30 soon. I'd been cutting what I had left in half and started taking it every other day or so and I'd cut back on my cherry juice (a gout remedy).
OK, sooooooo now I have fungal pneumonia, gout and thenst appears a fever of 101.8, or so...here comes the ambulance and back to the hospital I go!
I get to spend a day and a half in ICU where they managed to exrtact some f the crud from my lungs by going down through my nose and my throat, but no lung biopsy(!), ascertaned it was unknown crud and not malignant and sent me up to the Oncology floor...my favorite floor in Poudre Valley Hospital.
Wellst, I spend a few days there, get told that the V************ade is to be discontinued and replace by Zi***********, which is $2,200 but only $130ish with my insurance and get to come home day before yesterday, got to church this AM and am feelin' pretty good.
You know, I used to add up and get worried about all these medical bills, but I've just given up. I open them, 3-hole punch them and put them in a folder ad will get to them when I can.
I'm tempted to add them up in my head, but I'm not gonna.
I'm just dang glad to be out, home and feelin' good!
Anywho, we'll pretend that it was prior to my last visit with Dr. Lee at the University of Colorado Hospital in Denver.
And actually my last visit with Dr. Lee was really my first visit in quite a while as he had been on a "Medical Sabbatical" and his return to UCH was questionable...but he did return.
Soooooooooooo, after his perusal of my latest PetScan, X-rays, MRI, CatScan and blood work his conclusion was, as was hoped...and prayed for, thank you!... was that my "forced remission" was firmly in place!!!
That was the good news.
Why does there have to be good news/bad news scenarios that go hand in hand?
Well, seems that in perusing all tests he came with the conclusion that although my Multiple Myeloma was well in hand, I was having lung issues identified as Fungal Pneumonia. Because Dr. Lee had been away from my case on a "hands on" basis, he did not want to say whether the crud in my lungs was new crud or lingering/lurking crud from 6 months ago.
He whipped out his prescription pad and wrote out a prescription for V************ade (close 'nuff), and said "You go home, get this filled and take it right away!"
So I hauled derriere home and went to Sam's Club Pharmacy and they didn't have it but called the local WalMarts and they didn't have it either.
I sojourned tothe nearest Walgreens and they didn't have it but called the 1411 oher Walgreens in Ft. Collins and found one that had it.
I thenst scooted 'cross town to the appointed Walgreens, told them what I was there for and the Pharmacist casually rang it up and said, "(sic)...I just had to do that...That'll be $2,700 and some change, please."
"Holy fill in the blank!", I silently screamed.
Out loud I asked if that was with my insurance and was met with, "Oh, you have insurance?", towith I said, "Yup."
So, she got on the phone as my insurance was noted in their system and came back a few minutes later to tell me that they needed "prior authorization" from the insurance co. and that with my insurance it would be $180.ish., but it would be probably 48 hours to effect that.
Oh, ok.
So I go home...now in the meantime my gout had been manifesting itself slowly for a period of a couple of weeks and where making my ankles and my knees sooooooo ouchy that it was beginning to be difficult to walk.
Well, that's partially my fault because my gout medicine had gone from $30 for a 90 day supply to almost $500, but with assurance from my pharmacist that it would be going back down to $30 soon. I'd been cutting what I had left in half and started taking it every other day or so and I'd cut back on my cherry juice (a gout remedy).
OK, sooooooo now I have fungal pneumonia, gout and thenst appears a fever of 101.8, or so...here comes the ambulance and back to the hospital I go!
I get to spend a day and a half in ICU where they managed to exrtact some f the crud from my lungs by going down through my nose and my throat, but no lung biopsy(!), ascertaned it was unknown crud and not malignant and sent me up to the Oncology floor...my favorite floor in Poudre Valley Hospital.
Wellst, I spend a few days there, get told that the V************ade is to be discontinued and replace by Zi***********, which is $2,200 but only $130ish with my insurance and get to come home day before yesterday, got to church this AM and am feelin' pretty good.
You know, I used to add up and get worried about all these medical bills, but I've just given up. I open them, 3-hole punch them and put them in a folder ad will get to them when I can.
I'm tempted to add them up in my head, but I'm not gonna.
I'm just dang glad to be out, home and feelin' good!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Expiration dates...
Do you pay any attention to expiration dates?
I do and I don't.
I don't when I'm just "general" grocery shopping, but I always go to the markdown bin to see if there are any super deals and mostly the super deals are items that have past their expiration date and so if something catches my eye I'll check the expiration date...just because and chances are 99 out of a 100 that if it's somethin' I need or can use I'll buy it.
Then there's the "used meat department" which is TIPPETTSPEAK for the meat markdown bin. I even know which store has the deepest markdowns and I go there once or twice a week mid morning to check out the "deals."
Wellst, I've had a different kind of expiration date experience...
You see, even though I now consider myself a cancer survivor I still have Multiple Myeloma and always will. They cannot eradicate all the Multiple Myeloma cells in my bone marrow because in order to do that they would have to kill off all my bone marrow and that wouldn't bode well for me living.
So, the plan is...subject to change as has taken place throughout this adventure which started 3/17/10 when I was diagnosed...that I be on this chemo drug Revlimid for the next 2.8 years and I'm assuming they'll have some new treatment regimen for me tho keep the cancer at bay.
When first diagnosed they were considering a bone marrow transplant and that would give me "up to 5 years".
Then they decided that I qualified for a Stem Cell Transplant and they could give me from 5 to 10 years...I'll take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last Monday I went down to the University of Colorado Hospital for my monthly check up, was able to see my main Oncologist Dr. Lee and after going over my blood test results for the past bunch of months, and my response to the treatment plans he had prescribed for my, mostly administered by Dr. McFarland up here, that he could safely give me 10 to 20 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My expiration date has just been extended!!!!!
That's the good news.
The bad news is two fold.
First, I'm gonna have a recurrence of Myeloma, but "not to worry" because that's why they harvested and then froze extra stem cells when I had my transfusion so that I did have a "relapse" I wouldn't have to go through the gruelingnesss of another harvest.
Second, the chances are if I don't watch out and keep myself fit, away from people who are not well...he didn't specify mental or physical or both..., and keep myself warm not inviting a cold that as someone with a history of pneumonia I'm prone to contracting and a cold can rapidly turn into pneumonia and that is what probably will kill me.
So hence, my expiration date has been extended with conditions.
He gave me a flu shot and sent me on my merry way saying, "See you in a month."
Next post I'll get into the Revlimid story...
I do and I don't.
I don't when I'm just "general" grocery shopping, but I always go to the markdown bin to see if there are any super deals and mostly the super deals are items that have past their expiration date and so if something catches my eye I'll check the expiration date...just because and chances are 99 out of a 100 that if it's somethin' I need or can use I'll buy it.
Then there's the "used meat department" which is TIPPETTSPEAK for the meat markdown bin. I even know which store has the deepest markdowns and I go there once or twice a week mid morning to check out the "deals."
Wellst, I've had a different kind of expiration date experience...
You see, even though I now consider myself a cancer survivor I still have Multiple Myeloma and always will. They cannot eradicate all the Multiple Myeloma cells in my bone marrow because in order to do that they would have to kill off all my bone marrow and that wouldn't bode well for me living.
So, the plan is...subject to change as has taken place throughout this adventure which started 3/17/10 when I was diagnosed...that I be on this chemo drug Revlimid for the next 2.8 years and I'm assuming they'll have some new treatment regimen for me tho keep the cancer at bay.
When first diagnosed they were considering a bone marrow transplant and that would give me "up to 5 years".
Then they decided that I qualified for a Stem Cell Transplant and they could give me from 5 to 10 years...I'll take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last Monday I went down to the University of Colorado Hospital for my monthly check up, was able to see my main Oncologist Dr. Lee and after going over my blood test results for the past bunch of months, and my response to the treatment plans he had prescribed for my, mostly administered by Dr. McFarland up here, that he could safely give me 10 to 20 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My expiration date has just been extended!!!!!
That's the good news.
The bad news is two fold.
First, I'm gonna have a recurrence of Myeloma, but "not to worry" because that's why they harvested and then froze extra stem cells when I had my transfusion so that I did have a "relapse" I wouldn't have to go through the gruelingnesss of another harvest.
Second, the chances are if I don't watch out and keep myself fit, away from people who are not well...he didn't specify mental or physical or both..., and keep myself warm not inviting a cold that as someone with a history of pneumonia I'm prone to contracting and a cold can rapidly turn into pneumonia and that is what probably will kill me.
So hence, my expiration date has been extended with conditions.
He gave me a flu shot and sent me on my merry way saying, "See you in a month."
Next post I'll get into the Revlimid story...
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Who'da thunk???
Wellst, I've been 63 for over a week now and I don't feel any different than I did the last week of bein' 62...but I feel a whole lot better than I did for a lot of the time I was 62 and even some of bein' 61!
You know, I think it was on my last post that I used the term, "cancer survivor".
That rocked me.
I remember back in March of 2010 when I was diagnosed and I just knew I was gonna die and I was gonna die a relatively slow, agonizingly painful and ugly death. I mean, if you have cancer that's how you "hop the twig" as an ol' English gal friend of mine used to call "kickin' the bucket." afore she "hopped the twig", right? That's how both my folks went and so that was my experience.
So, now I know different and I have a new experience.
And my new experience is that I am a cancer survivor. I still have Multiple Myeloma and I always will...maybe. Who knows what they'll come up with in the next few years.
Right now I'm officially in what they call "forced remission."
They can't go in and kill off all the Multiple Myeloma cells because in order to do that they'd have to kill all my bone marrow which would not bode well for surviving that procedure, so I'm in the beginning of a three year chemo regimen designed to keep the Multiple Myeloma cells in check. I get my blood checked once a week to make sure that's what's happening, although the past few months was a bit of an anomaly in that I went several months without any chemo as my platelet count had tanked and they couldn't/wouldn't give me chemo until my platelet level climbed significantly. You run around with a platelet count of about 140 something-or-other and mine at one time skidded to 17! When I climbed over 100 they felt that was appropriate to begin the chemo again.
I don't go in for a chemo drip but rather take a pill at home...22 days on and then 8 days off with a batch of steroids every Monday.
These pills, Revlimid retail for, guess what?
$7,345 for my 22 day supply!
Thank goodness for insurance and thank goodness for Obama Care! I don't give a rats derriere what anyone thinks of him or his health care plan, all I know is that as of July 2010, insurance companies are no longer allowed to drop anyone's coverage for anything other than non payment of premiums. Last I added them up, and it's been a while, my medical bills were well over a million dollars and there's no doubt in my mind or the Doc's minds that they would have booted me long before they had to pay out anything close to what they have paid and I would have "hopped the twig" and I darest not think ow what that might have looked like.
So, I'm a very happy 63 year old cancer survivor, and I think I'll stay that way if it's okay with you!
You know, I think it was on my last post that I used the term, "cancer survivor".
That rocked me.
I remember back in March of 2010 when I was diagnosed and I just knew I was gonna die and I was gonna die a relatively slow, agonizingly painful and ugly death. I mean, if you have cancer that's how you "hop the twig" as an ol' English gal friend of mine used to call "kickin' the bucket." afore she "hopped the twig", right? That's how both my folks went and so that was my experience.
So, now I know different and I have a new experience.
And my new experience is that I am a cancer survivor. I still have Multiple Myeloma and I always will...maybe. Who knows what they'll come up with in the next few years.
Right now I'm officially in what they call "forced remission."
They can't go in and kill off all the Multiple Myeloma cells because in order to do that they'd have to kill all my bone marrow which would not bode well for surviving that procedure, so I'm in the beginning of a three year chemo regimen designed to keep the Multiple Myeloma cells in check. I get my blood checked once a week to make sure that's what's happening, although the past few months was a bit of an anomaly in that I went several months without any chemo as my platelet count had tanked and they couldn't/wouldn't give me chemo until my platelet level climbed significantly. You run around with a platelet count of about 140 something-or-other and mine at one time skidded to 17! When I climbed over 100 they felt that was appropriate to begin the chemo again.
I don't go in for a chemo drip but rather take a pill at home...22 days on and then 8 days off with a batch of steroids every Monday.
These pills, Revlimid retail for, guess what?
$7,345 for my 22 day supply!
Thank goodness for insurance and thank goodness for Obama Care! I don't give a rats derriere what anyone thinks of him or his health care plan, all I know is that as of July 2010, insurance companies are no longer allowed to drop anyone's coverage for anything other than non payment of premiums. Last I added them up, and it's been a while, my medical bills were well over a million dollars and there's no doubt in my mind or the Doc's minds that they would have booted me long before they had to pay out anything close to what they have paid and I would have "hopped the twig" and I darest not think ow what that might have looked like.
So, I'm a very happy 63 year old cancer survivor, and I think I'll stay that way if it's okay with you!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Hi there...
I know I "broke my word" about being more consistent about blogging and I'm not gonna make any promises about gettin' with it in the future cuz that's kinda like a New Year's Resolution,,,i.e. it's meant to be broken.
I do this not so much for you, but for my journal and for my autobiography, "I Don't Do Rough Drafts" which is really written...or bein' written for my son so at some point he can read it if he so desires...for my son so he can know who his dad really is/was. I've only been workin' on that for 10 years and I think I'm up to the 1st Grade living in Red Feather.
Nuff 'bout that...
I had every intention of hittin' the computer and doing this last night because yesterday was maybe one of the best days I've ever had in my whole life!
Yes, it was my birthday...63, thank you...but I got to spend it hangin' with a bunch of my drunk buddies, 'bout 1200 of them at the Area 10 State Convention...the social event of the year, if you will for Alcoholics Anonymous in the State of Colorado.
You know, I've been MIA from a lot of stuff for 'bout a year an a half and not only was it good to see folks I haven't seen in a while, but to receive both Birthday wishes and congratulation on being a cancer survivor and a lot of the people making comments about either event I didn't even recognize! If it weren't for the name badges I would have embarrassed my self a half a dozen times or more.
The feeling I had inside was reminiscent of the feeling that I had at the Bowlathon that the Board of Realtors had for me.
There's an overwhelming feeling that I get that tries to tell me I'm not worthy of the love and affection that I get and simultaneously I have this feeling of "schadenfreud". That's a word I came across while reading "When Bad Things Happen To Good People"...it's that almost guilty feeling that you get when something bad happens to someone else and you think that maybe it should happen to you...like dying.
Since my diagnosis on 3/17/10 there have been a number of people who have succumbed to cancer or another malady...and then there was Justin who we buried on his 29th birthday just a couple of weeks ago...63 year old guys with cancer should die, not 28 year old young men who die of an acute asthma attack.
Change of attitude...
I got to hear a couple of dear friends speak, Lew and Judy from Boulder. Both of them have significant, quality time in A.A.and I learn something from them every time I spend any time with them.
Not to take anything away from Lew and Judy, but one of the speakers, who turned n80 the day before I turned 63 spoke twice on a subject near and dear to m heart, God as I understand him. His name is Sandy Beach...yes that is his real name...and he lives in Tampa Bay, FL.
Both he and Judy made me cry, but I think I hid it well...I think.
I cried! I'm alive! I feel!
There was also an excitement over Matt coming up tomorrow, which is now today, and bring Ari, my 4 year old grandson with him.
I had every intention of coming home last night and doing this...
Even though I've just been back on chemo for just a couple of weeks, I'v had "parchment" skin for quite a while.Parchment skin is a nomer for skin that is thin and dry and it ears easily, especially where I have bruises that look like dark age spots caused by having a low platelet level.
Anywho, I got home about 11:00 and went to get something to drink out of th fridge and went into my home office and turned the computer on. While it was doing its get turned on thing I went back into the kitchen and noticed a blood trail on the floor.
That's not unusual ceptin' it, the tear, usually happens to my left arm or hand where I have no feeling. This one was on the back of my right hand and I have/had no idea on how I did it.
Now, it's almost midnight and I'm bleeding like the proverbial stuck pig.
Usually a little direct pressure will stop the bleeding and I slap a Band Aid on and it and I'm good to go.
Well, for some reason I could not get this one to stop bleeding. Now, mind you, this is on my right hand and because I can't get it to stop bleeding I can't get undressed, I can't brush my teeth and I can't get my two lanyards off (my name badge from the convention and my glasses). I can however get a rag and clean up the blood on the floor and the counter in the kitchen.
I get it to slow down and I get some NuSkin and figure out how to apply some and,"OUCH!!!!!". It felt like I was using a Styptic pencil...anybody ever use one of those?
That didn't work so we got another paper towel and back to direct pressure.
Twas shortly after 1:00 that I got it to almost stop, at least enough to get not one, not two, not three but four Band Aids on it.
I woke up this morning to find that I had mildly bled through all 4 Band Aids, so I removed them and bled politely through my shower and then it was back to direct pressure and it didn't take all that long to get the bleeding stopped.I put on some NuSkin, but no "ouch" this time, and two Band Aids and that has lasted all day.
Wellst, now I have cramping in my left hand so I'm gonna sign off.
Know that I have a love for life and for you.
I know I "broke my word" about being more consistent about blogging and I'm not gonna make any promises about gettin' with it in the future cuz that's kinda like a New Year's Resolution,,,i.e. it's meant to be broken.
I do this not so much for you, but for my journal and for my autobiography, "I Don't Do Rough Drafts" which is really written...or bein' written for my son so at some point he can read it if he so desires...for my son so he can know who his dad really is/was. I've only been workin' on that for 10 years and I think I'm up to the 1st Grade living in Red Feather.
Nuff 'bout that...
I had every intention of hittin' the computer and doing this last night because yesterday was maybe one of the best days I've ever had in my whole life!
Yes, it was my birthday...63, thank you...but I got to spend it hangin' with a bunch of my drunk buddies, 'bout 1200 of them at the Area 10 State Convention...the social event of the year, if you will for Alcoholics Anonymous in the State of Colorado.
You know, I've been MIA from a lot of stuff for 'bout a year an a half and not only was it good to see folks I haven't seen in a while, but to receive both Birthday wishes and congratulation on being a cancer survivor and a lot of the people making comments about either event I didn't even recognize! If it weren't for the name badges I would have embarrassed my self a half a dozen times or more.
The feeling I had inside was reminiscent of the feeling that I had at the Bowlathon that the Board of Realtors had for me.
There's an overwhelming feeling that I get that tries to tell me I'm not worthy of the love and affection that I get and simultaneously I have this feeling of "schadenfreud". That's a word I came across while reading "When Bad Things Happen To Good People"...it's that almost guilty feeling that you get when something bad happens to someone else and you think that maybe it should happen to you...like dying.
Since my diagnosis on 3/17/10 there have been a number of people who have succumbed to cancer or another malady...and then there was Justin who we buried on his 29th birthday just a couple of weeks ago...63 year old guys with cancer should die, not 28 year old young men who die of an acute asthma attack.
Change of attitude...
I got to hear a couple of dear friends speak, Lew and Judy from Boulder. Both of them have significant, quality time in A.A.and I learn something from them every time I spend any time with them.
Not to take anything away from Lew and Judy, but one of the speakers, who turned n80 the day before I turned 63 spoke twice on a subject near and dear to m heart, God as I understand him. His name is Sandy Beach...yes that is his real name...and he lives in Tampa Bay, FL.
Both he and Judy made me cry, but I think I hid it well...I think.
I cried! I'm alive! I feel!
There was also an excitement over Matt coming up tomorrow, which is now today, and bring Ari, my 4 year old grandson with him.
I had every intention of coming home last night and doing this...
Even though I've just been back on chemo for just a couple of weeks, I'v had "parchment" skin for quite a while.Parchment skin is a nomer for skin that is thin and dry and it ears easily, especially where I have bruises that look like dark age spots caused by having a low platelet level.
Anywho, I got home about 11:00 and went to get something to drink out of th fridge and went into my home office and turned the computer on. While it was doing its get turned on thing I went back into the kitchen and noticed a blood trail on the floor.
That's not unusual ceptin' it, the tear, usually happens to my left arm or hand where I have no feeling. This one was on the back of my right hand and I have/had no idea on how I did it.
Now, it's almost midnight and I'm bleeding like the proverbial stuck pig.
Usually a little direct pressure will stop the bleeding and I slap a Band Aid on and it and I'm good to go.
Well, for some reason I could not get this one to stop bleeding. Now, mind you, this is on my right hand and because I can't get it to stop bleeding I can't get undressed, I can't brush my teeth and I can't get my two lanyards off (my name badge from the convention and my glasses). I can however get a rag and clean up the blood on the floor and the counter in the kitchen.
I get it to slow down and I get some NuSkin and figure out how to apply some and,"OUCH!!!!!". It felt like I was using a Styptic pencil...anybody ever use one of those?
That didn't work so we got another paper towel and back to direct pressure.
Twas shortly after 1:00 that I got it to almost stop, at least enough to get not one, not two, not three but four Band Aids on it.
I woke up this morning to find that I had mildly bled through all 4 Band Aids, so I removed them and bled politely through my shower and then it was back to direct pressure and it didn't take all that long to get the bleeding stopped.I put on some NuSkin, but no "ouch" this time, and two Band Aids and that has lasted all day.
Wellst, now I have cramping in my left hand so I'm gonna sign off.
Know that I have a love for life and for you.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Sadness, but a reminder...
My young friends funeral service was held yesterday at the Evangelical Covenant Church here in Fort Collins.Today he was buried in Flagler, CO...a small community out east in the plains, a community sooooo small there isn't even a stop light. There is where the family plot is and now that's where he is.
Fridays @ 5:30pm we have an AA meeting at my friend Jack's house.
Jack has quite a story in that he had a liver transplant back in '96 I think and in '98 he contracted West Nile. Twixt the transplant and the West Nile, where he was in a coma for several months, he has a taste of "almost dying" a couple of times.
During my Cancer journey, the DNR got pulled out twice. I only barely remember one of those instances but in the past few days I've had cause to reflect back and ponder those two times.
I really put some people who were/are pretty close to me through a living hell. One of them, who has my Medical Power of Attorney calls my "episode" in Poudre Valley Hospital as the worst week of his life.
Anywho, back to Jack...I got to his house a little early and we got to talk one-on-one for a while and mutually reflect on how he and I have deep appreciation for life...not just ours, but the lives of others, too.
Sadly, too many people just take life for granted...that doesn't make them all bad, it's just that they have not had any personal near death experiences or been close to someone who has either had a near death experience or who has died.
Life is precious, not only mine but yours, too.
Coming up on Aug. 25th is the 1 year anniversary of my Stem Cell Transplant and one of those people closest too me, my Friend Doug is having a party to celebrate that occasion and is inviting "Team Pete" and some others who played a loving roll in basically keeping me alive.
I'm thinking it'll almost be like a "wake"!
If you are reading this, I will know that you will be there in Spirit and I sooooooo appreciate and love you for your participation in my life.
Thank you.
Fridays @ 5:30pm we have an AA meeting at my friend Jack's house.
Jack has quite a story in that he had a liver transplant back in '96 I think and in '98 he contracted West Nile. Twixt the transplant and the West Nile, where he was in a coma for several months, he has a taste of "almost dying" a couple of times.
During my Cancer journey, the DNR got pulled out twice. I only barely remember one of those instances but in the past few days I've had cause to reflect back and ponder those two times.
I really put some people who were/are pretty close to me through a living hell. One of them, who has my Medical Power of Attorney calls my "episode" in Poudre Valley Hospital as the worst week of his life.
Anywho, back to Jack...I got to his house a little early and we got to talk one-on-one for a while and mutually reflect on how he and I have deep appreciation for life...not just ours, but the lives of others, too.
Sadly, too many people just take life for granted...that doesn't make them all bad, it's just that they have not had any personal near death experiences or been close to someone who has either had a near death experience or who has died.
Life is precious, not only mine but yours, too.
Coming up on Aug. 25th is the 1 year anniversary of my Stem Cell Transplant and one of those people closest too me, my Friend Doug is having a party to celebrate that occasion and is inviting "Team Pete" and some others who played a loving roll in basically keeping me alive.
I'm thinking it'll almost be like a "wake"!
If you are reading this, I will know that you will be there in Spirit and I sooooooo appreciate and love you for your participation in my life.
Thank you.
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