Whew...

Thank God for my Angels, and I hope you know who you are...
I owe you Cindy, big time and the Anderson's do to...although in a different fashion because I know you and your business ethic and you've done them an outstanding job in my stead.

I need for you(s) to know that even though I am seeming to whine a lot, this tough stuff is just part of the journey which makes the adventure and thanks to yous guys and your love and support I'm gonna make it though this.

For a Christmas past my friends and almost vicarious family the Freedle's gave me the CD set of Randy Pausch, that professor guy who had some sort of incurable cancer and had but a short time to live and indeed went home not that long ago. Although Myeloma is generally considered an incurable form of cancer (Myeloma), there is something called "induced remission" that they are going to put me in...heavy on the "are".
I have watched a Randy Pausch video and listened to the CD's, although I'm having trouble installing them on my computer so that I can listen to them here at the office. His attitude is something that I aspire to...he was going home for sure and sorta knew when.
I'm going home, but I sorta don't know when but it's damn well not going to because of Myeloma.
I remember when I was first told of my diagnosis that, "More people are dying with myeloma than of it."
So, I'm gonna be one of those folks...I am!

Just had one of those wierd thoughts...It's too bad Dr. Suess couldn't have written a book about a character having myeloma but being an I am and I therefore an "am not"...or some such.

I had a magnificent night's sleep last night. It takes me a while to fall asleep, and recently it has been a fitful night's rest, but last night and into the late morning I had a grand sleep.
Was awoke by another angel coming to check on me because I has unintentionally MIA as my phone took an unceremonious vacation so I was unreachable.
I sooo appreciate the time you took to come over Carolyn, it means a lot to me that people like you care.

Which brings me to another point that I don't know how to make.

When you come up to me and ask me. "How are you?" and I start to cry it's not because I hurt or because I have cancer, it's because I find it hard to believe that you care. Thank you for caring and pleeeeeeeze accept my apologies for not knowing how to graciously accept your care.
I'll think on all this and maybe talk about it later.

My new Adventure...

I see that over on the left beneath my picture I have noted that I only have one kneecap.
And that is true.
Thanks to a "little" fender bender in July of 1985 that damn near, and probably should have, killed me I lost that kneecap, the use of my left arm and was left with some cognitive defects (that I think I hide pretty well!), a gimp to my "get-along" and some stories to tell about drunk driving and how us drunk drivers don't always kill ourselves or other people but often do irreparable damage to ourselves.
Recovery from that was an adventure. Learning to walk again, living with an arm that was basically useless although the hand still functions, having a mind that doesn't always react to situations or problems correctly, and so forth...an adventure.

And then quitting drinking, or should I say stopping starting to drink(?)...
What an Adventure that was!
Wowsers...learning that I was absolutely under the influence of a power greater than myself, a spirit that was unleashed when I put alcohol in my body and made me do, say, think and act in abnormal ways which all really had an evil tint.
And learning that only by turning my will and my life over to the care of a different Spirit could I have a life worth living!
OMG!
What a journey that was and is.

You know, that journey began some 23 years ago and I spend time in tears thinking about those 23 years and how I almost didn't get to have them.
I'm certainly not a rich dude. I'm quite sure that I would be classified as someone of modest means and that's okay...it's really okay. I have a wealth that cannot be measured and I'm beginning to discover the true nature of that wealth.
I know today, March 27, 2010. that my awareness of that wealth and the necessity of experiencing it's true nature began at about 3:32pm, March 17, 2010 when this Dr. told me that I had cancer.
Something called Myeloma.
Without clicking on the link, although if you are interested I would encourage you to click on it, what I have is bone marrow cancer.
Are you wondering about "my" prognosis?
Well, so was I!
I'll know more next week as I see him again and I'm going in with a list of questions, but as I remember from my initial serious meeting with him, I'm going to undergo 12 weeks of chemotherapy (and I'll learn more about that as I attend Chemo-101, a.k.a. Chemotherapy education, on Monday, and should that go well...and it will!!!...I will have a bone marrow transplant (they will transplant back into my my own bone marrow whcih they are going to...and I soooooooooooo hate this word...harvest in a couple of weeks.
And then I should have 5 years, or so...but I'm going with the "or so" and stretching that out a few more years.
You see, I'm 23 years sober but I soooo want to, and am going to be and celebrate being 30 years sober!
When that happens, will you come celebrate with me?

On March 17 I had no clue about this discovery search for wealth, a.k.a. adventure, or anything else.
I just lay in bed for a couple of days knowing that I was going to die, probably within a week and it was going to be painful and ugly.

Not that I'll ever drink again, but those couple of days were spent under the control/influence of a dark power who was relishing in my mental anguish and torture.
As I began to quit fighting with and being angry at God, a.k.a. the Power of Light that presides over us all I began to feel better.

Isn't that funny.
I wasn't fighting the Dark power who was delighting in my state of awfulness and who was trying to, and being successful at making me miserable...I was fighting with God and the Light.

As has happened to me once in a while, I get struck with a moment of clarity.

God didn't cause my cancer anymore than He caused my accident in 1985.

And I recovered from that accident and life has been an adventure ever since!

Someday I might tell you the specifics of my injuries and the mechanics of the recovery thereof as the result of being really drunk and driving my Ford Escort head on into a logging truck, but suffice it to say that it was a bad wreck and I nearly died (actually my heart quit on me three times!)

If I recovered from that, then certainly I have a damn good chance at recovering from this, "Huh."

I just need to keep focused on the Light...

One of the things that has just blown me away is the response by the people who know me to this "situation".
My colleagues at RE/MAX Advanced have rallied around me and offered to help me continue with my business s if nothing is wrong. I cannot be any more humbled and grateful as although I do have insurance it is not going to cover all of my expenses, so I will need to continue working and with and because of there tenderings of help I can.
That Society or Club that I belong to that consists of folks just like me who have solved, or are solving the drink problem have also banded together to make sure that I'm not going to have to go through this alone just like I didn't have to go through becoming a non-drinker alone. They don't like to talk about themselves or their "outfit" very much but if you ever wanted to find them they're listed in the very front of the phone book...it's alphabetical you know.
My Church family is also there to hold me tight. Sometimes that's all that I need or want is to be held and I have declared for many years that men need to be held far more than women do and I get held tightly by the Evangelical Church of Fort Collins. Without that I would fall in a heartbeat.
And there are those who don't appear in any of those three categories but are close to me in ways that are unique and special and who, too, are offering assistance, hugs and love.

I am a blessed man.
I am beginning to appreciate the wealth that is mine.

OK............
There are too many of yous for me to keep in touch with individually about this whole thing and so I've chosen to set this blog up and I will post to it frequently of my Adventure.
Not that we won't touch bases personally, because we will, but this will be a vehicle keeping yous abreast of what's going on with me and will be a healing tool for me, no doubt.

If you are new to Blogging (as I pretty much am), just log in and I will try to set this up so that you can comment and write back.