Down in the dumps?

I woke up this morning around 5:30 cuz my ribs were just killin' me. I've had broken ribs and that's what they feel like. All of the crud symptoms are gone except the nagging cough, and it is beyond it's "productive (hacking up "luggies") but it is still deep and it hurts ...waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
But there was something else bugging me.
As I lay there flat on my back, the only position where there is no rib pain, and pondered, things started to fall into place in my fontal lobe...

What's better, "A bottle in front of me", or "a frontal loboltomy?"

Well, now it is two days after the waking up incident and I feel a little better...emphasis on "little".
I've talked to some friends about it and that has helped some, but it doesn't negate the fact that I've been dealing with the cancer and now the complications.
This is really gonna sound like whining, and it is, but I'm really tired and frustrated with not having a say in my life. I'm not talking about my caregivers and the people who have worked pretty damn hard to keep me alive.
I'm angry with the Multiple Myeloma, the Organized Pnuemonia, having a compromized immune system and all that goes with that.
Those are the things that prevent me from having a say in what's going on in my life. Since March 17 of last year I've been uprooted from my home and my job, spent more time in hospitals and now rehab that I have at either RE/MAX Advanced or in my own bed.
That's like over a year!
That's a long time.
My wishes for making all his an Adventure and not wanting it to go to waste are still there.
An adventure it has been and I'm not tooooo sre what not wanting it to go to waste means.

Just had my lunch and then went to brosh my teeth and I missed Aunt Bea explaining how she put a dent in the car she ain' bought yet...

Anywo, that's a long time.

Well. last night my Friend Griff stopped by. And what a surprise as he lives on the Olympic Pennisula in Washington.
He didn't stay long, but his words of wisdom, as usual, made not only a huge amount of sense but made me feel good as they do when I choose to ask and then listen.

The one point he drove home was that there is nothing I can do to change what has happened in the past and some...or many...of the things that are going to happen in the future. There are things that are entirely out of my control and there's one of two ways that I can react abut what has happened and what will happen. I can either be really pissed off and let the Dark Side rule how I think and act and caue me to become uncommunicable and depressed on both the inside and out. It'll also afect those who care for me and who want the best for me including geting well.
Or.......................
I can accept the fact that there is absolutely nothing I can do to change the past or many things, but not all, in the future. To remember that people who say, "I gusss it's just meant to be" or "Everything happens for a reason" are just using cliches to try and soften te unexplainable and that I should suggest to them they read, "When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold Kushnner."
He went on to tell me cliches are good for explaining physical laws, like gravity but have no bearing when it comes to the spiritual and that we are not human beings having spiritual experiences now and then but rather we are spiritual beings frequently enduring human experiences.
And in a brief minute or to he made me realize the obvious...that, yes it's been over a year but there is a light at the end of the tunnel where once there was none.

...and now it's 3 days since that wake up thing...

It's Sunday and I slept in and I have no clue how that happened. I don't remember them coming in at 6:00am to wake me up and give me meds and take my vitals. I don't remember them bringing my breakfast and setting it on my tray. But "worst" of all, I don't remember Bruce and Bonnie being here to take me to church...it's not their job to wake me up, I just don't remember them being here...and for not being ready I owe them a huge apology.

Soooooo, it's Sunday of Memorial Day Weekend, no scheduled therapy although I'll probably do some laps around the facility, but it's such a pain in the derriere to lug around the portable oxygen. I can hardly wait for the cough and crud to go away so my lungs will get back to normal and I won't have to tote the oxygen around and I can get back on track for gettin' outa here.

Matt's comin' up for "lupper".

If "brunch" is the term for a meal that is twixt the traditional times of breakfast and lunch, what is the apolitical correct term for a meal that happens twixt lunch and supper?