Sleepless in Seattle?

Nah.
Sleepless in Fort Collins...

Wellst, a lot has gone on recently and I'm not sure of how it's going to play out, except that it's going to play out good!
Things, they are a changin' again, but this time I can't be frustrated with the Docs because the problem mis literally within me!
I think I may have told yous that they found my cancer "by accident".
I was havin' ol' guy prostate issues, i.e. enlarged prostate which leads to some urinary problems...nothin' new here, they advertise it on TV!
In the course of trying to treat that, via a bone marrow biopsy they discovered the Myeloma, my cancer.
Well, with the cancer diagnosis my "issues" with my other "issue" came to a screeching halt and I jumped right into chemotherapy and preparation for first, a bone marrow transplant and now a stem cell transplant.
The other issue flared up and now I have an infection which basically puts my cancer treatment on hold until we can get this new/old issue mended.
It looks like I'm headed for a "roto-rooter" surgery to fix my prostate and in doing so the infection that I have will go away and we can get back on track with the cancer treatment.
Infection is a horrible word, isn't it? It sounds almost nastier than cancer... It sounds like my innnards are turning into some sort of green gangrenous yuck that will probably kill me before the cancer does...which ain't the case.
For now, the worst case scenario is that my cancer treatment, i.e. the stem cell transplant, could be...I say could be...delayed anywhere from 3 to 6 weeks, but it wasn't scheduled to take place until early July anyway.
But...that is just rampant rumor in my mind as nothing has really been confirmed yet. I go down to the Anschutz Cancer Center at University hospital in Denver next Thursday for some more tests, a visit with a Shrink (I'll have him or her straightened out in no time...just watch!) concluding with a consult with my Oncologist down there who is sorta "runnin' the show". I should come away from that days visit with a little more understanding of what's going on and sorta what my schedule is.
You know, it sounds like I know, sorta what's going on, and sorta I do but if it weren't for Cindy and Doug, whomst I label my primary care givers, I'd be really in a world of hurt!
Doug, bless his ol' pea-pickin' heart goes with me to my consults with docs both here and in Denver and then helps me understand what they've said. You see, when I step inside a medical facility or a Dr.s office now, my mind goes apoplectic and the "C" word shuts off most rational thinking and Doug, and Cindy help bring me back to reality. Cindy offices just barely down the hall from me here to RE/MAX Advanced and is ever vigilant with my calendar and my med list making sure that I don't miss an appointment and that my med list is current and that I don't take a new antibiotic within 124.8365 minutes of consuming a dairy product.
Anywho, that's my post for today and I'm surprised I could be somewhat coherent...or was I?
As the title of this post suggests, I'm still having a sleep deprivation issue and last night was particularly vicious in that I was awakened by I dunno what every hour and so today has been a day like I've almost never had since we started on this Adventure...I'm just 'not all there' and it's like I'm having an after chemo tired rush. And maybe I am, even thou it's Saturday and I haven't had chemo since Thursday...and my last chemo "for a while"!
I'm at the office, but I think I'll head for the barn.

Don't be assummin' that...

...cuz I ain't been "on-blog" that I've gone awol, mia, or dia!

My sis and her son stopped by and got to spend the better half of the weekend with me...the worst half was the time they weren't with me!

I actually probably o'er did myself some. 

We had some magnificent face time and also took a nostalgic trip up to Red Feather the normal way, i.e. 287 to the Forks, and came back the abnormal way, i.e. down Rustic and then via Stove Prairie and along the way she sought to relieve the Rocky Mountains of an amount of rocks commensurate with the square footage of the property she owns in Red Feather!

So, it, her visit and the ensuing time thereafter gave me time to get out of my head and be with her and the wonderful outsidedness that our peace of the Rockies has to offer.

Made me forget, for the time being, my days in Denver last week at the Anschuis Cancer Clinic/Center (or whatever it's called and however it's spelled...) where I was "lovingly" subjected to a battery of tests and between tests a lot of time to thin k and reflect how lucky I am to have been given the opportunity  over the last 23 years to learn how alter my attitude(s) and hopefully reflect to myself and others that life, and Adventures are good!

I'm gonna pull thru this thing called Multiple Myeloma and absolutely know, not just believe that the most satisfactory years of my life lie ahead of me.

Whilst I was there, I got to spend some butt-cheeks time between tests and do some serious people watching. I'm not a body watching or expression watching expert, but it was alternately painful and exciting to watch and decifer those who were determined to deal with whatever their health issue(s) are from those who were resigned to the pain and internal awfulness of what they are going through.

I could/can emphasize with both and am eternally grateful that even though I have this thing called cancer and even though, as of today, it is deemed incurable that I can scoff at that and say, "But it/they don't have a clue whomst their dealin' with!"

When first diagnosed, just 3 months or so ago, the 'prognosis' was, if you will, that with the chemo and a bone marrow transplant they could statistically give me 5 years...

But in the 3 months, the treatment plan has changed, often times to my displeasure (But what the heck do I know?) and now with the chemo, a stem cell transplant they are now statistically able to offer me 10 years!

So, I sit at the top of the Bell-Cancer Curve, whereas just 10 years ago if I had of been diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma I would have been told, "Well, son, go home, rest easy and when things get unbearable we'll up the morphine drip and bring in Hospice."

My Goodness, what a fortunate "young" man I am, I am...

To bad I outlived Dr. Suess...I coulda maybe given him some material to work with!

3days ago and the day before yesterday...

Sorry 'bou this but it might sound a lil' whiney...

Okay, I said I'd splain' (that's how it was suppose to be spelled) Wednesday and Thursday as being progressively the worst days I've had, but 'member things are more better now, sorta.

Wednesday, 5/13...This has happened to me a couple of times before, but not to the degree it did on Thursday. I was feeling pretty good (9 or so days off Chemo). I did Thursday things and the last thing I needed to do for the day was come into the office and finish up a few items on my "punch list" for my closings on Friday. I left somewhere, can't 'member now, and don't know whether to blame that on Chemo-brain or Wineheimers, but as I was driving to the office I felt this wave of exhaustion come over me.
I think I've said that this is a physical exhaustion coupled with not necessarily a tiredness but a severe case of short term memory loss and mush-brain.
Twas 3:00-4:00ish and I parked in the handicap parking spot right in front of the front door here to RE/MAX Advanced (Yes, I'm qualified, have the placard and am up for rent being it shopping or Rockies Games...) and just sat for about 15 minutes just trying to put the pieces together so I could open the car door and walk in.
I finally did the proper physical and mental mustering and walked in. As coincidence would have it Fran, my Boss Lady. was in the reception area and took one look at me and with all the sternness at her command said, "SIT DOWN!", grabbed my arm, noticed I was shaking, and said, "What the hell are you doing here?". Well, being respectively intimidated by her I told her and she said, "I'll take care of it. Stay put." She then proceeded, well actually it was  little later, to talk me into letting her attend my closings and I talked her into letting me drive myself home.
When I got home that bout of exhaustion wouldn't go away as it usually does, but...and this'll sound strange...I fought it off and got to sleep around 1:00am and had a great nights/morning sleep.
So now it is Thursday and I had a checkup appointment with Dr. McFarland, by Ft. Collins Oncologist and during that session I mentioned to him that my right wrist hurt. We talked briefly about why and I didn't know or remember hurting it. Well, because he'd heard some gurgling in my lungs grabbed an order form and ordered me up some X-Rays. He also called my GP, Dr. Cranor to see if he couldn't squeeze me in to check my wrist out after the X-Rays.
My two primary Care Givers, Doug and Cindy had accompanied me to the Dr.s office and as it worked out, Thursday almost being our (Doug and my standing lunch date...we've been having lunch on Thursdays for the better part of 15 years!) lunch time and my x-ray appt. at PVH being "walk in" we went and had lunch thenst wenst to PVH.
Every thing...up to now...going okay and I'm feeling fine.
Wellst, whilst I;m in X-Ray, Ruth from Dr. Cranor's office calls me and queries me about my wrist and scurries off to talk to Dr. Cranor and calls me back and tells me that he has set up a 3:00 appointment with Dr.Nelson, an Orthopod type Dr..
Oh, okay.
So I go to the office and do a couple of things and then scoot home to "powder my nose", as for some idiotic reason I would rather do that at home at present because of a "procedure" that I now have to go through to do that.
So home and I begin to "powder" and I'm "powdering" what appears to me to be pure blood.
Well, I race off to the Orthopods office and on the way there call Gregg and ask him to call my Urologist, because I didn't have his # programmed into my Blackberry...remember when I said, "Gawd, yous guys are amazing!" Gregg fits in there and is right up at the top.
So, anywho he calls me back and says they can either see me promptly at 3:30 or I should go to the ER.
So I take up 8 minutes and 24 seconds of Dr. Nelson's time and he wants to give me some anti-inflammatories but wants to check with my host of other Drs. first.
Tis' okay with me and I race across town and get to My Urologists office at 3:37 and penguin hobble as best I can into his office, only to be told to have a seat cuz they's backed up...
Now mind you, I think I'm dyin', not of cancer but I'm gonna bleed out here (I've heard that term recently concerning me so I think I'm granted that worry.).
So anywho, I get in relatively quickly and get sent home with a permanent/temporary invasive fix.
The permanent fix, which I've known about for a while, is a prostate and accompanying tubes rotor-rooter job, but like getting a new knee I can't have any surgeries while I'm under going chemo.
The permanent/invasive fix hurt like h*** going in and although not to that extent as I write, it still hurts. Especially when sitting down, standing up or walking.
Hey, but as with the previous "procedure" that I had to do, which I don't now because of this apparatus, I don't have to get up six or seven times during the night to "Powder my nose."

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Yes, a little but NOT!


I am so flippin lucky that we have the medical community and their expertises!!!
If it were 10 years ago with the Myeloma that I have, after diagnosis I probably would have been sent home and told, "Rest easy, take plenty of fluids (which soon would have been severely compromised) and when you get reeeeeaaal uncomfortable give us a call and will bring in Hospice."


Sooooooooooooooooooooooooo, please don't get me wrong.


I know I am and need to be grateful for the medical community, my Angels, my Care Givers (and if you are reading this you fall into the last two categories.), my nuclear family and all un-nuclear families, RE/MAX Advanced, ECC...


Wow, where would I be if it weren't for all of yous?


Probably, thanks to Gregg I have an interest in Native American Spirituality, Chief Cancer Jockey would take me out to the wilderness, leave me under a tree and ride off.


I'm really and truly one lucky son-of -a gun...and happy, almost gleeful for it.


And what an Adventure this is...

And the Change of Plans Change!!!

This Adventure that you are accompanying me on is full if surprises, direction changes and I'm no too sure there aren't some altitude changes thrown in...
Dr. Choon-Kee Lee, is my Dr.in Denver at the University of Colorado Medical Center/Hospital and I was referred to him by Dr. McFarland, my Oncologist at Front Range Cancer Specialists  and I am absolutely trusting the process...and the Great Physician.
Dr. Lee is Korean and as Doug and I found out is extremely educated and qualified and I feel safe in his MD arms...however, Dr. Lee speaks with a thick, thick accent and I don't speak , so I don't translate into my brain Korean-English-Brogue-Accent.
So some of my understanding was marred by my inability to clearly understand him, so therefore what I came home with from my trip to Denver to meet with him has turned out to be a little skewed.
OK, I still have to do two 4 day inpatient stints in June and I still have to go down for tests next week that thenst will cause me to have a schedule of "upcoming events".
But instead of 90 days inpatient beginning June 23rd, I go in for 14 to 28 days and then for the next 30 days I need to stay within 30 minutes of the University Hospital in Denver.
The reasons for that, as I "understand it (and my understandings are becoming suspect) is that I'll be handy for frequent check-ups with Dr. Lee and that because with my platelets still rebounding from the Stem Cell Transplant I'll have during my "up to 28" day stay If I bruise myself or cut myself I could "bleed out".
Now, Dr. McFarland is going to communicate with Dr. Lee to see if he can't handle this in Ft. Collins rather than Denver.
Sooooooooo, nuff of that technical stuff and tomorrow I'll 'splqain why the day before yesterday ws the worst day "yet" an yesterday was worse than that and how today has turned into a pretty durn good day and I have hope foraging around  my psyche and soul again!
There's hope here for us Multiple Myeloma patients!!!!!!!!!!

Change of plans!!!

   Well, I got chauffeured down to the University of Colorado medical Center, or some such place, yesterday by my friend Doug who took a day off from work to be with me...
   Gawd, you guys are amazing.
   When I get through this...and I will...there's some poor dude or dudette who is gonna be in need of some assistance and I'll be all over him or her paying back what you guys and guyettes have done and are doing for me.
The Pastor at my church (Hey, Bert...how ya doin') has been using this visual aid that is amazing...
He has 2 empty glasses and a pitcher full of water. The water in the pitcher represents God's blessings, or Grace, or forgiveness, or... He takes the pitcher and fills one of the glasses representing God's pouring out of _________ (fill in the blank) into us, So, now there's this glass of ___________ (fill in the blank). He says that the glass is the perfect receptacle, but its contents need to be emptied into the other glass (representing someone)  to __________ (fill in the blank) them...and to make room for more of God's  _________ (fill in the blank) in us,a.k.a the 1st glass.
If'n you're near my age (106), you at onetime had the belief that, "What goes around comes around", and those far eastern folk have this thing called Karma and us'ns who like the Carpenter Man's teachings, one of which is "As you sow, so shall you reap"...
So you's  are preparing me to help someone in the future who right at this moment is unaware that at some point in the future I am going to be able to pour out __________ (fill in the blank) to them as you _________ (fill in the blank) to me.
Make sense?
I hope so cuz I ain't gonna delete it and try it again...

Oh, yeah...my trip to Denver yesterday.

Wellst, basically my whole treatment plan and the next few months have been turned upside down and a whole new set of "plans" is being formed.

I thought I was going to have a bone marrow transplant consultation, but nope. No bone marrow transplant!
We're shiftin' gears here to stem cell transplant. They're still gonna be using my stem cells but there won't be any harvesting like there would have been with  bone marrow transplant. I just go down there 2 times in June and the procedure is sorta like giving plasma or donating blood. It's a non-invasive outpatient procedure.

Now, things get a little confusing timing wise for me now because I won't have a schedule of what is going to happen until 10 days after I go back down there on the 19th or 20th and have a whole battery of tests done.

What I do know is, depending on the UCH (University of Colorado Hospital) gets along with my insurance company, somewhere around June 23rd (Which at this point is a target date, but a moving target at present.) I will check into the hospital for a 45-60 day stay!
They will be, in effect killing all my red blood cells, all my white blood cells and all my platelets.
So I'm gonna be Bubble Boy without the bubble.
I'm gonna have virtually no immune system until the treated stem cells start doing their job and somehow creating new blood cells and platelets.

Anyway, that's all the news that's fit to print...for now.

I have come to learn that that whole Scenario I just laid out my change, but for right now that's what I know1

My apologies...and then some crying stuff.

Whew, that was quick.
I'm reeeealy sorry I offended someone, and maybe someones.
I was not using my cancer as a sympathy ploy to get some cheap business.
If one of you took the time to e-mail me and tell me what a "cheap shot" it was to use this vehicle to try and get some "sympathy business" then there is probably other(s) who feel the same.
That was not my intent and I'm sorry that you took it that way.

Nuff said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had an experience yesterday that I have not had so far, and I hope not to have again.

I woke up feeling pretty good as my trip to the urologist came up with a gizmo-treatment that really helps with the problem(s) that lead to the cancer diagnosis.

I started putzing around the house when all of a sudden this weird thing happened.

It started with shortness of breath and within 5 minutes I had to go lie down I was so exhausted/befuddled.

Befuddled is a good laymens term for chemo-brain where you can't think straight and at first I thought "it" was an onslaught of Wineheimers (a form of Alzheimers reserved for us folk who at one time drank more than a wee bit and more than two beers on the weekend).

This happened at about 8:30 and I spent the rest of the day in bed nodding off frequently.

BTW, today I feel fine.

When I got sober, I discovered crying. I can't remember crying as a kid, even if I fell off my bike and skinned my elbows and knees, or got hit by a car on my bike which happened once in Fremont, NE when I was either in the 4th or 5th grade.

I think I may have shed a tear over a teen age romance gone south, but other than that I simply didn't cry.

I was 38 years old when I got struck sober so that's a long time to go without crying.

My first recollection of a good long, meaningful cry was laying on a bed in Lake Stevens, WA the night I got sober (Maybe one of these days I'll expand/expound on that evening using this vehicle).

From that point on, I did some sporadic crying over sporadic things.

But then came March 17, 2010 when I found out I had cancer. I think I already mentioned in a previous "entry" that I spent the next two days in bed wrestling with God, my mind, my pillows, and anything else I could conger up as being against me...but I got over that.

From March 17th, though, I have turned into an artesian well of tears...not because I feel sorry for myself, exceptin' for a few times like yesterday.

I cry because I am whelmed overwhelmed with the literal outpouring of love, caring and attention (the non-sympathy attention) that I have received and continue to receive.

You people, in addition to being wonderful, must have found some 'Clairvoyant' pills at Vitamin Cottage or Walgreens or maybe the Goodness Fairy left them under your pillow because you seem to know what I need and act on it before I have a chance to ask for "it", a.k.a. help.

And that makes me cry, and they are tears of amazement and reciprocated affection.

I just look at you and have to turn and walk away because I know I'm starting to cry...and sometimes I don't walk away, I just go ahead and cry.

I cry at movies on TV, I cry at the news, I cry at the sun, I cry at the moon, I cry at the rain, I cry in church, I cry because you call, I cry because you e-mail me, I cry because both my brother and sister come here to see me, I cry today on Mothers Day because I miss my Mom, I cry "at" the books I read during chemo, I cry in/at my office here to RE/MAX  Advanced just because there is something in the air here...and I'm not talking about allergens.

If crying is healing, then that's just another sign that I'm gonna beat this thing.

Anywho, I spent a fair amount of time crying and being depressed and even told someone who called just to see how I was that, "I just want this over no matter which way it turns out."

Whoa, that's not me.

I was feeling much like I was feeling those two days after I discovered my diagnosis.

I can't remember the name of the movie, but there's a character in it who represents the Dark Side and follows Kevin Costner around who has a small problem with killing people and who wants to quit, but can't...a malady that soooooo reminds me of by utter inability to not drink at one point in my life.

That evil character's name was Marshall.

Well, somehow Marshall got a hold of me yesterday and I couldn't shake him until I finally fell asleep last night and he was gone when I awoke this morning.

The lesson that I learned from yesterday is that I didn't reach into my spiritual tool kit and pull out the tools I need to help avoid yesterdays...I didn't call anybody (Thanks Gregg for calling me!), I didn't get my derrière out of bed and to the office where I always feel better...it's the air there, you know.), I didn't go for a walk, I didn't pick up my current book I'm reading (Thanks Tom & Christy), I forgot to call Abby and/or Griff...I just chose to wallow in fear and some self-loathing.

So, what's the realization?

I said I was going to treat this as an Adventure, and like it or not adventures have their scary places and their abysses, too.

But the Great Physician and the Carpenter Man, saw me through and today is a magnificent day, and tomorrow is going to be another adventuresome day.

Tomorrow I head down to Denver to the Colorado Medical Center for a conversation/consultation about the bone marrow transplant phase of this adventure!

And what an incredibly wonderful adventure this is!

Oh, yeah...I still help people buy and sell real estate!!!

The Docs discovered my cancer almost by accident.
I was having some adult guy prostate issues and  because the medications weren't bringing me total relief, one of the Urologists suggested a bone marrow biopsy and that came back withe the cancer thing.
That, the cancer (Multiple Myeloma it's known as...ain't I special? I didn't get just Single or Double Myeloma!) immediately took precedent and the other issue (ol' guy problems) got put on the back burner and day before yesterday we started to re-address them.
Wellst, that's kinda sorta what happened with my occupation.
Helping People Live Indoors is what I do for a a living, and that kinda sorta got put on the back burner. My fellow RE/MAX Advanced fellows, and perhaps especially Cindy, offered to assist me with what I had going and thanks to her/them I've actually got a couple of closings coming up.
But when they close my bucket is almost empty.

The realization came to me that, yeah I have cancer and year I have to do chemotherapy and "face"  couple of surgeries to harvest (gawd I hate that word) my bone marrow in anticipation of the bone marrow transplant and then the transplant itself...but that doesn't mean that I' m outa business!
I have a great listing coming up in Paragon Point in a couple of weeks and a client who wants/needs to move to Erie or Brighton but needs to sell her place up here first...and already maybe has a buyer for it... but you know, in this biz I need to, and can even with cancer work with more than just a couple of folks at a time.
The every day bills keep coming in and now there's a bunch of new ones coming in from various medical people, places and things and I have co-pays to make every time I see one of them. Even though I do have insurance, the stack (Well, I'm really putting them in a 3-ring binder,) grows almost every day.
A way to reduce the "stack" is to help somebodies buy or sell real estate.

I'm a Real Estate Broker, and even though I'm bothered with this 'lil affliction that does not mean I can't do my job...which I do well by the way...so if you know anyone who needs to buy or sell any real estate, would you first let them know about me and then let me know about them!
I'd sure appreciate it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another Chemo free 10 days!

Well, I just finished round (cycle as "they" like to call it...) two of chemo...4 more to go!
I get a break of 10 days or so between cycles and although this is just the second, I'm looking forward to it and the others coming up!
Monday next I go down to the University of Colorado Medical Center for a consultation about my bone marrow transplant. They way I understand this "process" is that, and this is "their" language, "If I respond well to the chemo then I 'qualify' for a bone marrow transplant. And if I then respond well to the bone marrow transplant then I'll have 5 years."
Ha! They don't know who they're talkin' 'bout!
5 years?!?
Heck that ain't gonna get me to 30 years sober and I am gonna get there!
There is no question about the chemo and I not gettin' along...we're best buds!
So therefore the bone marrow transplant is just a given and I'll respond well to that and thenst 5 years is a dang long time...and "they'll" come up with something, or the Great Physician will.
So all this s just another bump in my journey and it is urning out to be quite an adventure even though I haven't been able to travel anywhere.
I had hoped to make the Myeloma Conference in Portland, OR at the end of the month but "logistics" and insurance companies are not cooperating so my trip to Portland is on hold until after the bone marrow transplant.
The first full weekend in July is when the Alcoholics Anonymous International Convention is being held in San Antonio. It happens every five years and should I figger out a way to go this will be the fifth one I've been to. But if chemo and bone marrow transplants cause me to miss it I'll just consider that I'm leapfrogging over it to get to the next one in 2015, wherever it's gonna be held.
Hey, I gotta get ready for church tonight, so I'll sign off for now.
Church?
On Wednesday?
Yep. That's when a few of us Ragamuffins go and attend the First Church of the Second Chance.
I get fed in a number of venues...