It's 12/14/12 and I'm sad.
Not depressed as has become the trendy thing to be marked by an attempt to feel better via pharmaceuticals.
I have been sad o'er the whole Holiday thing because I would love to bring about cheer and love and ... but I find myself 'bout as broke as I've ever been, however there is "light at the end of the tunnel."
But right now I'm writing this and listening to the media coverage of the school shootings in Connecticut.
I want to cry but I can't. I don't know if I'm holding back or what.
I can't understand this whole shooting thing.
It seems as if it is becoming way too often a news item broken up by commercials.
I had a min i panic moment when I heard about the mall shootings in Portland because that's where my brother and his wife live.
Life is precious.
I'm still reeling from being a cancer patient even though I consider myself a cancer survivor.
I trust my Doctors and am glad that I am in a state of forced remission.
My stint in 2010 laying in the University of Colorado Hospital in Denver didn't really "hit" me until some time had passed and I was told that I spent all those months in the hospital because I was really, really sick although I didn't really realize it at the time.
Life is precious and I can';t understand why things like this happen with a 20 or 21 year old kid killing his mother and then going to the school where she worked and killed 26 people or however many there were that died.
I want to do something to make things in Connecticut but all I can do is pray.
God, as I understand Him, is hurting to an extent that I cannot understand. These are His kids who died.
I want to ask Him why but the "whys" don't matter.
Some of us at the First Church of the Second Chance are studying When Bad things Happen to Good People by Harold Kushner. I kinda get what Mr. Kushner is saying but the something like this happens.
I don't want bad things to happen to good people.
I don't.
Father God, please let Your Holy Spirit act in a mighty way comforting those who have lost loved ones in this tragedy. Please.
Please Father...act mightily.
Please.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Life as it is...
Within a brief period of time, which for me could take a week or so, I'm going to part time retire this blog from my website.
I'll keep it as a stand alone blog, but I've made a tactical error in that my personal personal (Not a mis-print) does not belong on my business website.
I'm not sure if I'll replace it with anything, but I might or I might not.
Ain't decided yet.
My personal life and my battle(s) with cancer treatments don't belong on a biz blog so my life, at least it's personal medical and private stuff will not be a part of my biz website.
That's not to say that my transparency is totally gonna get covered up but more like redirected.
I'm sitting at an Open House @ 1255 Redwood Ct. in Windsor as I type and live and breathe awaiting that special Buyer for this special House to come a knickin' @ the door.
They will, I know.
I'll keep it as a stand alone blog, but I've made a tactical error in that my personal personal (Not a mis-print) does not belong on my business website.
I'm not sure if I'll replace it with anything, but I might or I might not.
Ain't decided yet.
My personal life and my battle(s) with cancer treatments don't belong on a biz blog so my life, at least it's personal medical and private stuff will not be a part of my biz website.
That's not to say that my transparency is totally gonna get covered up but more like redirected.
I'm sitting at an Open House @ 1255 Redwood Ct. in Windsor as I type and live and breathe awaiting that special Buyer for this special House to come a knickin' @ the door.
They will, I know.
Friday, August 10, 2012
This is incredible...
Not to be redundant, but this is incredible...
"Whatcha talkin' 'bout, Willis?" you query?
I was about to make a rather large boo-boo.
As I type, it is Friday, August 10, 8:20 PM.
Today is the 2nd anniversary of my stem cell transplant and I'm not sure that is germain to what's been going on, but quite possibly so.
~~~~~~~~~~~oops, no it isn't. That would be the 25th. Seems I have 10th on the brain. My wreck which did all the physical...and some mental...damage to my body was the 10th of July, 1985 and my birthday is on the 10th of September somewhere towards the last half of the last century.
On Wednesday past I began a post titled, "I ain't doing so well" and began a litany of my woes that began after I got back from Oregon...see previous post.
That particular post was difficult for me as my pre-cancer pre-parkinsons tremors were making it extremely difficult to type so I saved it, I thought and got back to it last night and a good portion of it was gone!
So I jumped in and re-began where I had left off.
Sooooo, just a bit ago I logged in hoping to pick up where I had left off last night only this time the whole dang thing was gone!!!
I guess the universe was trying to say this was not the forum to vent about my ills...so I won't.
The doorbell just rang so I better go for now...I'll pick up sometime soon!
Sometime soon.......
Anyway, I was about to whine in detail about why I wasn't feeling too good.
Not the proper vehicle to do that. That's best done in person to a few people and chronicled in my journal...so that's what I'll do.
Suffice it to say in the interest of need-to-know transparency I'll leave the "gory" details to myself and those better to receive them.
I'm still trying to figure out how to balance ongoing treatments for Multiple Myeloma, treatments for the treatments and treatments for the treatments for the treatments of the... Get my drift?
I have long been a proponent of Real Estate as a full time job and part timers not only don't make it but they louse things up for the Full Time Realtors.
And I still believe that to be true however I need now to say that there has appeared another soul who is trying to knit full time and recovery from disease together.
I need to know all that all working with me in whatever capacity be it Buyer, Seller, Selling Agent, Buying Agent, Title Company/Escrow, Lenders, Inspectors and the list goes on but not terminally~an odd choice of word for a cancer patient who at present is unable to shed himself of those pesky Multiple Myeloma Cancer cells entirely~may have loosened the grip on "time is if the essenes' at times. I/we cannot/will not abandon eentirely because that would be transaction suicide but all parties need to be informed of the time essences and the "time essence lieutenant" shall have to double-down on making all are aware of the clock in the transaction folder and to garner peaceable and workable IE frames.
And to throw the proverbial wrench, albeit a nerf wrench in the process, the Buying Agent, typically me has incorporated into his income portfolio an outside income source for him, not the transaction.
By way of an opportunity that lies totally outside the Real Estate Realm, and always...I mean always mindful of what is going too make me feel better, give me more energy, bring my mental status up a lasting effective productful and capable legalities through from A-Z.
"Whatcha talkin' 'bout, Willis?" you query?
I was about to make a rather large boo-boo.
As I type, it is Friday, August 10, 8:20 PM.
Today is the 2nd anniversary of my stem cell transplant and I'm not sure that is germain to what's been going on, but quite possibly so.
~~~~~~~~~~~oops, no it isn't. That would be the 25th. Seems I have 10th on the brain. My wreck which did all the physical...and some mental...damage to my body was the 10th of July, 1985 and my birthday is on the 10th of September somewhere towards the last half of the last century.
On Wednesday past I began a post titled, "I ain't doing so well" and began a litany of my woes that began after I got back from Oregon...see previous post.
That particular post was difficult for me as my pre-cancer pre-parkinsons tremors were making it extremely difficult to type so I saved it, I thought and got back to it last night and a good portion of it was gone!
So I jumped in and re-began where I had left off.
Sooooo, just a bit ago I logged in hoping to pick up where I had left off last night only this time the whole dang thing was gone!!!
I guess the universe was trying to say this was not the forum to vent about my ills...so I won't.
The doorbell just rang so I better go for now...I'll pick up sometime soon!
Sometime soon.......
Anyway, I was about to whine in detail about why I wasn't feeling too good.
Not the proper vehicle to do that. That's best done in person to a few people and chronicled in my journal...so that's what I'll do.
Suffice it to say in the interest of need-to-know transparency I'll leave the "gory" details to myself and those better to receive them.
I'm still trying to figure out how to balance ongoing treatments for Multiple Myeloma, treatments for the treatments and treatments for the treatments for the treatments of the... Get my drift?
I have long been a proponent of Real Estate as a full time job and part timers not only don't make it but they louse things up for the Full Time Realtors.
And I still believe that to be true however I need now to say that there has appeared another soul who is trying to knit full time and recovery from disease together.
I need to know all that all working with me in whatever capacity be it Buyer, Seller, Selling Agent, Buying Agent, Title Company/Escrow, Lenders, Inspectors and the list goes on but not terminally~an odd choice of word for a cancer patient who at present is unable to shed himself of those pesky Multiple Myeloma Cancer cells entirely~may have loosened the grip on "time is if the essenes' at times. I/we cannot/will not abandon eentirely because that would be transaction suicide but all parties need to be informed of the time essences and the "time essence lieutenant" shall have to double-down on making all are aware of the clock in the transaction folder and to garner peaceable and workable IE frames.
And to throw the proverbial wrench, albeit a nerf wrench in the process, the Buying Agent, typically me has incorporated into his income portfolio an outside income source for him, not the transaction.
By way of an opportunity that lies totally outside the Real Estate Realm, and always...I mean always mindful of what is going too make me feel better, give me more energy, bring my mental status up a lasting effective productful and capable legalities through from A-Z.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
It ain't rainin'!
Howdy from gorgeous Oregon!
I'm coming to you live and direct from my brothers hacienda here to Milwaukee, OR.
When I refer to "him" I often just say, "Portland", although he lives a little south of Portland in unincorporated Clackamas County...I can address an envelope to him to either Portland, Milwaukee or Junction Hills and as long as I have the Zip Code correct he gets it.
I came down...although it's not down, it's more like WNU (West-North-Up) last week to spend some time at a conference put on by a faction of that Anonymous Fellowship of ex-problem drinkers that I belong to and speak to them of my experience, strength and hope regarding my experiences before, during and after I became one of those ex-problem drinkers in March of 1987.
Wowsers...that's o'er 25 years without a drink!
That's pretty amazing and you know, there are people I haven't even met yet who are glad I quit drinking!
That gig was Friday through Sunday in Eugene and now i get to spend a week with my bro and my crazy sis-in-law...and I say crazy very lovingly...she's nuts in a positive way and I love her for it.
My bro is a master chef although for a living he's an IT person. His blog is:
http://beastinthekitchen.wordpress.com and you gotta check it out. If you are a dog person, as he and his lawfully wedded spouse are, you can dig around and find his dog food recipe...it's grand and Nellie and Fioina, their two highnessii (plural of highness) are all the more better for their gourmet dining.
I lived in the PNW in either WA or OR from 'bout 1960 - 1975ish and I loved it.
I was living in Eugene when the word came from Red Feather Lakes, CO that my mothers cancer had become terminal and she had but 6 mos or so and I packed up and moved to Red Feather with the intention of just staying 'til she passed and then coming back to OR. Well, she made it for almost 3 years instead of 6 mos and I stayed in Colorado and so I now visit OR whenever I can to see my bro and/or to speak at conferences.
At the conference I just left I won the Grand Prize of an all expense paid...less transportation to and fro...for next years conference, so I shall return as an attendee and not as a speaker and that should be fun.
Is it ironic or __________(fill in the blank) that now that I have cancer I am returning to the PNW periodically???
Medicine has made great strides and the cancer that I have was deemed untreatable just a few years ago and just since I got diagnosed in March of 2010 and was given a prognosis of, "If everything goes right you might get 5 years to 10-20 years and maybe longer with the progress I have made and he progress the medical realm has made in the treatment of Multiple Myeloma ~ my cancer.
Wellst, I promised myself that I would begin the blogging thing more seriously (who me?)/often to develop the habit so I'm now going to skip over to one of my "Business Blogs": http://petesrealestatemusings.wordpress.com and post...
See you there?
I'm coming to you live and direct from my brothers hacienda here to Milwaukee, OR.
When I refer to "him" I often just say, "Portland", although he lives a little south of Portland in unincorporated Clackamas County...I can address an envelope to him to either Portland, Milwaukee or Junction Hills and as long as I have the Zip Code correct he gets it.
I came down...although it's not down, it's more like WNU (West-North-Up) last week to spend some time at a conference put on by a faction of that Anonymous Fellowship of ex-problem drinkers that I belong to and speak to them of my experience, strength and hope regarding my experiences before, during and after I became one of those ex-problem drinkers in March of 1987.
Wowsers...that's o'er 25 years without a drink!
That's pretty amazing and you know, there are people I haven't even met yet who are glad I quit drinking!
That gig was Friday through Sunday in Eugene and now i get to spend a week with my bro and my crazy sis-in-law...and I say crazy very lovingly...she's nuts in a positive way and I love her for it.
My bro is a master chef although for a living he's an IT person. His blog is:
http://beastinthekitchen.wordpress.com and you gotta check it out. If you are a dog person, as he and his lawfully wedded spouse are, you can dig around and find his dog food recipe...it's grand and Nellie and Fioina, their two highnessii (plural of highness) are all the more better for their gourmet dining.
I lived in the PNW in either WA or OR from 'bout 1960 - 1975ish and I loved it.
I was living in Eugene when the word came from Red Feather Lakes, CO that my mothers cancer had become terminal and she had but 6 mos or so and I packed up and moved to Red Feather with the intention of just staying 'til she passed and then coming back to OR. Well, she made it for almost 3 years instead of 6 mos and I stayed in Colorado and so I now visit OR whenever I can to see my bro and/or to speak at conferences.
At the conference I just left I won the Grand Prize of an all expense paid...less transportation to and fro...for next years conference, so I shall return as an attendee and not as a speaker and that should be fun.
Is it ironic or __________(fill in the blank) that now that I have cancer I am returning to the PNW periodically???
Medicine has made great strides and the cancer that I have was deemed untreatable just a few years ago and just since I got diagnosed in March of 2010 and was given a prognosis of, "If everything goes right you might get 5 years to 10-20 years and maybe longer with the progress I have made and he progress the medical realm has made in the treatment of Multiple Myeloma ~ my cancer.
Wellst, I promised myself that I would begin the blogging thing more seriously (who me?)/often to develop the habit so I'm now going to skip over to one of my "Business Blogs": http://petesrealestatemusings.wordpress.com and post...
See you there?
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Whew...
I tell you, this gettin' back to work full time is tough on an ol' guy like me.
I can remember the days when I could exist on 'bout 5-6 hrs sleep and have enough energy to get done what I needed to get done the next day...ceptin' maybe when I had one of my trophy hangovers. Sure glad I gave up the boozing.
As a matter of fact there are people who I haven't even met yet who are glad I quit drinking.
I'm still doing a lot of Dr. stuff, check-ups...lab work...etc., but not as much as I used to. And my energy level is coming bck but I fear maybe not to the level it once was drinking or not.
I'm re-conditioning myself to spending more time at the office.
There's still a lot of stuff that needs to be done at home and for the most part I'm getting it done.
It's a little strange not having anybody around to "help" me. After more'n 2 years of having either nurses or caregivers giving me a hand I really don't hav anybody close at hand. Still got some great friends who are there for me when I run up against something that an ol' guy needs help with.
Have an amazing friend who was born with the spiritual gift of fixing things as opposed to me who was born with the gift of messing things up. Be it my vehicle, and electric problem with something at the house, or repairing a shed door that blew off in a windstorm I can call him and somehow he does that which is impossible for me to do.
He was born with a hyper fix-it gland and I was simply born without a fix-it gland.
Went to lunch today with an old friend who wants me to find a buyer for his house...and I'm certainly gonna try.
I'm starting to feel comfortable with the whole Buyer Broker thing...just working with Buyers and passing on the listings to those who are more suited to that.
I've got an explanation of "Buyer Agent/Broker" on my website: www.livingindoors.com if'n your curious for any reason and want a "job description".
Anywho, going back to the first sentence of this paragraph I was gonna go into into a thing about my arms but then I sidetracked myself.
My arms.
In addition to, but somehow complimenting the chemo that I take, I take a couple of different steroids.
What they do, a.k.a. a side effect, is that I get these plum colored splotches on my arms which are rather curious. Some are less than the size of a dime but others are silver dollar sized or irregularly bigger.
Also my arms and the back of my hands have developed a condition known as parchment skin. The skin tears easily if I bump up against something or whatever and so I bleed alot if I don't wear these black protectors on my forearms and motorcycle gloves, a.k.a. Michael Jackson fingerless gloves for protection.
But on account of I had to go get blood work today I didn't wear the "protection" and while we were in Subway, I saw a little kid look at me and literally hide behind his mothers skirt. He didn't particularly like the way my arms looked...don't know what he thought but I'm sorry I scared him.
And my energy level...like I said it's gettin' better.
But I've started tis thing of being just exhausted and whenst I go to bed at 10:30 or whenever, as soon as I lie down I'm wide awake and have a horrible time getting into that REM sleep thing which makes it difficult for me to get up & get goin' in the morning.
And then about once a week I just crash and I will sleep soundly after I get to sleep and I'll wake up after about 10 hours of solid sleep and wonder what time it is anf get upset with myself because I wasted the better part of a morning sawing slumber logs.
Oh, well.
Could be way worse.
I'm a cancer survivor & I get to continue on even if I waste a morning or two.
I can remember the days when I could exist on 'bout 5-6 hrs sleep and have enough energy to get done what I needed to get done the next day...ceptin' maybe when I had one of my trophy hangovers. Sure glad I gave up the boozing.
As a matter of fact there are people who I haven't even met yet who are glad I quit drinking.
I'm still doing a lot of Dr. stuff, check-ups...lab work...etc., but not as much as I used to. And my energy level is coming bck but I fear maybe not to the level it once was drinking or not.
I'm re-conditioning myself to spending more time at the office.
There's still a lot of stuff that needs to be done at home and for the most part I'm getting it done.
It's a little strange not having anybody around to "help" me. After more'n 2 years of having either nurses or caregivers giving me a hand I really don't hav anybody close at hand. Still got some great friends who are there for me when I run up against something that an ol' guy needs help with.
Have an amazing friend who was born with the spiritual gift of fixing things as opposed to me who was born with the gift of messing things up. Be it my vehicle, and electric problem with something at the house, or repairing a shed door that blew off in a windstorm I can call him and somehow he does that which is impossible for me to do.
He was born with a hyper fix-it gland and I was simply born without a fix-it gland.
Went to lunch today with an old friend who wants me to find a buyer for his house...and I'm certainly gonna try.
I'm starting to feel comfortable with the whole Buyer Broker thing...just working with Buyers and passing on the listings to those who are more suited to that.
I've got an explanation of "Buyer Agent/Broker" on my website: www.livingindoors.com if'n your curious for any reason and want a "job description".
Anywho, going back to the first sentence of this paragraph I was gonna go into into a thing about my arms but then I sidetracked myself.
My arms.
In addition to, but somehow complimenting the chemo that I take, I take a couple of different steroids.
What they do, a.k.a. a side effect, is that I get these plum colored splotches on my arms which are rather curious. Some are less than the size of a dime but others are silver dollar sized or irregularly bigger.
Also my arms and the back of my hands have developed a condition known as parchment skin. The skin tears easily if I bump up against something or whatever and so I bleed alot if I don't wear these black protectors on my forearms and motorcycle gloves, a.k.a. Michael Jackson fingerless gloves for protection.
But on account of I had to go get blood work today I didn't wear the "protection" and while we were in Subway, I saw a little kid look at me and literally hide behind his mothers skirt. He didn't particularly like the way my arms looked...don't know what he thought but I'm sorry I scared him.
And my energy level...like I said it's gettin' better.
But I've started tis thing of being just exhausted and whenst I go to bed at 10:30 or whenever, as soon as I lie down I'm wide awake and have a horrible time getting into that REM sleep thing which makes it difficult for me to get up & get goin' in the morning.
And then about once a week I just crash and I will sleep soundly after I get to sleep and I'll wake up after about 10 hours of solid sleep and wonder what time it is anf get upset with myself because I wasted the better part of a morning sawing slumber logs.
Oh, well.
Could be way worse.
I'm a cancer survivor & I get to continue on even if I waste a morning or two.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Wellst, here it be towards the end of June, 2012...my how time flies when you're having fun! This whole cancer gig has really been an Adventure, although because I'm a kid of the '60s instead of calling it an Adventure, what floats around in my mind is, "What a trip"!
Adventure ~ Trip ~ Whatever, it really has been an experience.
I've had just a ton of thoughts run through my mind since March of 2010 when I was diagnosed and that "since" just goes on.
So to recap, sorta, I'm in remission...sorta.
It's what I learned is called "forced remission" by those in the know.
I still do chemo, which keeps me in remission, forceably so.
They can't really "cure" me because Multiple Myeloma is alternately referred to as Bone Marrow Cancer or a Blood Cancer and so to really "cure" me they would have to like kill off all my bone marrow and/or blood and/or something like that which wouldn't spell "gud" for me.
I take a chemo pill 14 days on and 14 days off, something called Aridia which is supposed to keep my bones sturdy*, something initialized as IVIG which I think is supposed to bolster my immune system and the Valcade which is an IV chemo that I get if'n my Myeloma markers spike. I get my blood checked weekly to check on that and some other stuff.
All this to "worry" 'bout my cancer when the general medical consensus is that it's gonna be pneumonia that takes me as my lungs are weakened because of the treatments I've had for the cancer.
So, I gotta watch out and not hang around people with runny noses and who cough a lot, dress warm whenst it be cold and currently wear a mask if the smoke from the High Park fire seems to be oppressing, especially white smoke which contains ash and other fire related particulants.
Not this past Sunday but the Sunday before when I went to church the air seemed fine and so it seemed when I got home. Yet a couple of hours later I stepped out the front door to go to the car to get something and just got "slammed" with the smoke!
I grabbed what I needed and went back into the house where I had the AC on, upon recommendations of my Docs who suggested that I have it on in the house and when I drive, plus in my house and at my office I have air filtration jobbies.
The next morning I cautiously opened the door and the air quality seemed ok so I went to the Jeep and openned the door and said to myself, "What the heck?"
Seems I'd left the sunroof open and there was so much ash in the Jeep that I thought I needed to go to the car wash and vaccuum it all out!
Tis really good to be back at work and in my office. After several aborted attempts which came to abrupt ends in which I wound up in the hospital I decided to pay attention to my Docs, some really good friends, by brother and sister and take it easy and not try to do "things" too fast.
I haven't and all feels right.
One thing about it feeling right, this back at work thing, is that my energy level seems to stay up and I don't have an afternoon physical/mental crash where I had to just go take a nap because i was exhausted.
You know, for years I've been tellin' my Boss Lady Fran that there's something special about the air and the atmosphere here to RE/MAX Advanced and I've once again proved it by exerience!
I'm back on the bloggin' trail!
*You know, that's soooooooo funny because legend has it that when I was like in Kindergarten or there abouts I quit drinking milk and no one could get it outa me why I had...'cept my Gramma who probably plied me with Oreos and got me to tell her the reason why. Seems my mom had told me that milk would give me "sturdy" bones but I had mis-heard her and thought she said "dirty" bones and I didn't wanna have "dirty bones"!
Adventure ~ Trip ~ Whatever, it really has been an experience.
I've had just a ton of thoughts run through my mind since March of 2010 when I was diagnosed and that "since" just goes on.
So to recap, sorta, I'm in remission...sorta.
It's what I learned is called "forced remission" by those in the know.
I still do chemo, which keeps me in remission, forceably so.
They can't really "cure" me because Multiple Myeloma is alternately referred to as Bone Marrow Cancer or a Blood Cancer and so to really "cure" me they would have to like kill off all my bone marrow and/or blood and/or something like that which wouldn't spell "gud" for me.
I take a chemo pill 14 days on and 14 days off, something called Aridia which is supposed to keep my bones sturdy*, something initialized as IVIG which I think is supposed to bolster my immune system and the Valcade which is an IV chemo that I get if'n my Myeloma markers spike. I get my blood checked weekly to check on that and some other stuff.
All this to "worry" 'bout my cancer when the general medical consensus is that it's gonna be pneumonia that takes me as my lungs are weakened because of the treatments I've had for the cancer.
So, I gotta watch out and not hang around people with runny noses and who cough a lot, dress warm whenst it be cold and currently wear a mask if the smoke from the High Park fire seems to be oppressing, especially white smoke which contains ash and other fire related particulants.
Not this past Sunday but the Sunday before when I went to church the air seemed fine and so it seemed when I got home. Yet a couple of hours later I stepped out the front door to go to the car to get something and just got "slammed" with the smoke!
I grabbed what I needed and went back into the house where I had the AC on, upon recommendations of my Docs who suggested that I have it on in the house and when I drive, plus in my house and at my office I have air filtration jobbies.
The next morning I cautiously opened the door and the air quality seemed ok so I went to the Jeep and openned the door and said to myself, "What the heck?"
Seems I'd left the sunroof open and there was so much ash in the Jeep that I thought I needed to go to the car wash and vaccuum it all out!
Tis really good to be back at work and in my office. After several aborted attempts which came to abrupt ends in which I wound up in the hospital I decided to pay attention to my Docs, some really good friends, by brother and sister and take it easy and not try to do "things" too fast.
I haven't and all feels right.
One thing about it feeling right, this back at work thing, is that my energy level seems to stay up and I don't have an afternoon physical/mental crash where I had to just go take a nap because i was exhausted.
You know, for years I've been tellin' my Boss Lady Fran that there's something special about the air and the atmosphere here to RE/MAX Advanced and I've once again proved it by exerience!
I'm back on the bloggin' trail!
*You know, that's soooooooo funny because legend has it that when I was like in Kindergarten or there abouts I quit drinking milk and no one could get it outa me why I had...'cept my Gramma who probably plied me with Oreos and got me to tell her the reason why. Seems my mom had told me that milk would give me "sturdy" bones but I had mis-heard her and thought she said "dirty" bones and I didn't wanna have "dirty bones"!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Whew...
I ain't even gonna go back and see when the last time I blogged was, but it was a fur piece aback...
Anywho, we'll pretend that it was prior to my last visit with Dr. Lee at the University of Colorado Hospital in Denver.
And actually my last visit with Dr. Lee was really my first visit in quite a while as he had been on a "Medical Sabbatical" and his return to UCH was questionable...but he did return.
Soooooooooooo, after his perusal of my latest PetScan, X-rays, MRI, CatScan and blood work his conclusion was, as was hoped...and prayed for, thank you!... was that my "forced remission" was firmly in place!!!
That was the good news.
Why does there have to be good news/bad news scenarios that go hand in hand?
Well, seems that in perusing all tests he came with the conclusion that although my Multiple Myeloma was well in hand, I was having lung issues identified as Fungal Pneumonia. Because Dr. Lee had been away from my case on a "hands on" basis, he did not want to say whether the crud in my lungs was new crud or lingering/lurking crud from 6 months ago.
He whipped out his prescription pad and wrote out a prescription for V************ade (close 'nuff), and said "You go home, get this filled and take it right away!"
So I hauled derriere home and went to Sam's Club Pharmacy and they didn't have it but called the local WalMarts and they didn't have it either.
I sojourned tothe nearest Walgreens and they didn't have it but called the 1411 oher Walgreens in Ft. Collins and found one that had it.
I thenst scooted 'cross town to the appointed Walgreens, told them what I was there for and the Pharmacist casually rang it up and said, "(sic)...I just had to do that...That'll be $2,700 and some change, please."
"Holy fill in the blank!", I silently screamed.
Out loud I asked if that was with my insurance and was met with, "Oh, you have insurance?", towith I said, "Yup."
So, she got on the phone as my insurance was noted in their system and came back a few minutes later to tell me that they needed "prior authorization" from the insurance co. and that with my insurance it would be $180.ish., but it would be probably 48 hours to effect that.
Oh, ok.
So I go home...now in the meantime my gout had been manifesting itself slowly for a period of a couple of weeks and where making my ankles and my knees sooooooo ouchy that it was beginning to be difficult to walk.
Well, that's partially my fault because my gout medicine had gone from $30 for a 90 day supply to almost $500, but with assurance from my pharmacist that it would be going back down to $30 soon. I'd been cutting what I had left in half and started taking it every other day or so and I'd cut back on my cherry juice (a gout remedy).
OK, sooooooo now I have fungal pneumonia, gout and thenst appears a fever of 101.8, or so...here comes the ambulance and back to the hospital I go!
I get to spend a day and a half in ICU where they managed to exrtact some f the crud from my lungs by going down through my nose and my throat, but no lung biopsy(!), ascertaned it was unknown crud and not malignant and sent me up to the Oncology floor...my favorite floor in Poudre Valley Hospital.
Wellst, I spend a few days there, get told that the V************ade is to be discontinued and replace by Zi***********, which is $2,200 but only $130ish with my insurance and get to come home day before yesterday, got to church this AM and am feelin' pretty good.
You know, I used to add up and get worried about all these medical bills, but I've just given up. I open them, 3-hole punch them and put them in a folder ad will get to them when I can.
I'm tempted to add them up in my head, but I'm not gonna.
I'm just dang glad to be out, home and feelin' good!
Anywho, we'll pretend that it was prior to my last visit with Dr. Lee at the University of Colorado Hospital in Denver.
And actually my last visit with Dr. Lee was really my first visit in quite a while as he had been on a "Medical Sabbatical" and his return to UCH was questionable...but he did return.
Soooooooooooo, after his perusal of my latest PetScan, X-rays, MRI, CatScan and blood work his conclusion was, as was hoped...and prayed for, thank you!... was that my "forced remission" was firmly in place!!!
That was the good news.
Why does there have to be good news/bad news scenarios that go hand in hand?
Well, seems that in perusing all tests he came with the conclusion that although my Multiple Myeloma was well in hand, I was having lung issues identified as Fungal Pneumonia. Because Dr. Lee had been away from my case on a "hands on" basis, he did not want to say whether the crud in my lungs was new crud or lingering/lurking crud from 6 months ago.
He whipped out his prescription pad and wrote out a prescription for V************ade (close 'nuff), and said "You go home, get this filled and take it right away!"
So I hauled derriere home and went to Sam's Club Pharmacy and they didn't have it but called the local WalMarts and they didn't have it either.
I sojourned tothe nearest Walgreens and they didn't have it but called the 1411 oher Walgreens in Ft. Collins and found one that had it.
I thenst scooted 'cross town to the appointed Walgreens, told them what I was there for and the Pharmacist casually rang it up and said, "(sic)...I just had to do that...That'll be $2,700 and some change, please."
"Holy fill in the blank!", I silently screamed.
Out loud I asked if that was with my insurance and was met with, "Oh, you have insurance?", towith I said, "Yup."
So, she got on the phone as my insurance was noted in their system and came back a few minutes later to tell me that they needed "prior authorization" from the insurance co. and that with my insurance it would be $180.ish., but it would be probably 48 hours to effect that.
Oh, ok.
So I go home...now in the meantime my gout had been manifesting itself slowly for a period of a couple of weeks and where making my ankles and my knees sooooooo ouchy that it was beginning to be difficult to walk.
Well, that's partially my fault because my gout medicine had gone from $30 for a 90 day supply to almost $500, but with assurance from my pharmacist that it would be going back down to $30 soon. I'd been cutting what I had left in half and started taking it every other day or so and I'd cut back on my cherry juice (a gout remedy).
OK, sooooooo now I have fungal pneumonia, gout and thenst appears a fever of 101.8, or so...here comes the ambulance and back to the hospital I go!
I get to spend a day and a half in ICU where they managed to exrtact some f the crud from my lungs by going down through my nose and my throat, but no lung biopsy(!), ascertaned it was unknown crud and not malignant and sent me up to the Oncology floor...my favorite floor in Poudre Valley Hospital.
Wellst, I spend a few days there, get told that the V************ade is to be discontinued and replace by Zi***********, which is $2,200 but only $130ish with my insurance and get to come home day before yesterday, got to church this AM and am feelin' pretty good.
You know, I used to add up and get worried about all these medical bills, but I've just given up. I open them, 3-hole punch them and put them in a folder ad will get to them when I can.
I'm tempted to add them up in my head, but I'm not gonna.
I'm just dang glad to be out, home and feelin' good!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Expiration dates...
Do you pay any attention to expiration dates?
I do and I don't.
I don't when I'm just "general" grocery shopping, but I always go to the markdown bin to see if there are any super deals and mostly the super deals are items that have past their expiration date and so if something catches my eye I'll check the expiration date...just because and chances are 99 out of a 100 that if it's somethin' I need or can use I'll buy it.
Then there's the "used meat department" which is TIPPETTSPEAK for the meat markdown bin. I even know which store has the deepest markdowns and I go there once or twice a week mid morning to check out the "deals."
Wellst, I've had a different kind of expiration date experience...
You see, even though I now consider myself a cancer survivor I still have Multiple Myeloma and always will. They cannot eradicate all the Multiple Myeloma cells in my bone marrow because in order to do that they would have to kill off all my bone marrow and that wouldn't bode well for me living.
So, the plan is...subject to change as has taken place throughout this adventure which started 3/17/10 when I was diagnosed...that I be on this chemo drug Revlimid for the next 2.8 years and I'm assuming they'll have some new treatment regimen for me tho keep the cancer at bay.
When first diagnosed they were considering a bone marrow transplant and that would give me "up to 5 years".
Then they decided that I qualified for a Stem Cell Transplant and they could give me from 5 to 10 years...I'll take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last Monday I went down to the University of Colorado Hospital for my monthly check up, was able to see my main Oncologist Dr. Lee and after going over my blood test results for the past bunch of months, and my response to the treatment plans he had prescribed for my, mostly administered by Dr. McFarland up here, that he could safely give me 10 to 20 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My expiration date has just been extended!!!!!
That's the good news.
The bad news is two fold.
First, I'm gonna have a recurrence of Myeloma, but "not to worry" because that's why they harvested and then froze extra stem cells when I had my transfusion so that I did have a "relapse" I wouldn't have to go through the gruelingnesss of another harvest.
Second, the chances are if I don't watch out and keep myself fit, away from people who are not well...he didn't specify mental or physical or both..., and keep myself warm not inviting a cold that as someone with a history of pneumonia I'm prone to contracting and a cold can rapidly turn into pneumonia and that is what probably will kill me.
So hence, my expiration date has been extended with conditions.
He gave me a flu shot and sent me on my merry way saying, "See you in a month."
Next post I'll get into the Revlimid story...
I do and I don't.
I don't when I'm just "general" grocery shopping, but I always go to the markdown bin to see if there are any super deals and mostly the super deals are items that have past their expiration date and so if something catches my eye I'll check the expiration date...just because and chances are 99 out of a 100 that if it's somethin' I need or can use I'll buy it.
Then there's the "used meat department" which is TIPPETTSPEAK for the meat markdown bin. I even know which store has the deepest markdowns and I go there once or twice a week mid morning to check out the "deals."
Wellst, I've had a different kind of expiration date experience...
You see, even though I now consider myself a cancer survivor I still have Multiple Myeloma and always will. They cannot eradicate all the Multiple Myeloma cells in my bone marrow because in order to do that they would have to kill off all my bone marrow and that wouldn't bode well for me living.
So, the plan is...subject to change as has taken place throughout this adventure which started 3/17/10 when I was diagnosed...that I be on this chemo drug Revlimid for the next 2.8 years and I'm assuming they'll have some new treatment regimen for me tho keep the cancer at bay.
When first diagnosed they were considering a bone marrow transplant and that would give me "up to 5 years".
Then they decided that I qualified for a Stem Cell Transplant and they could give me from 5 to 10 years...I'll take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last Monday I went down to the University of Colorado Hospital for my monthly check up, was able to see my main Oncologist Dr. Lee and after going over my blood test results for the past bunch of months, and my response to the treatment plans he had prescribed for my, mostly administered by Dr. McFarland up here, that he could safely give me 10 to 20 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My expiration date has just been extended!!!!!
That's the good news.
The bad news is two fold.
First, I'm gonna have a recurrence of Myeloma, but "not to worry" because that's why they harvested and then froze extra stem cells when I had my transfusion so that I did have a "relapse" I wouldn't have to go through the gruelingnesss of another harvest.
Second, the chances are if I don't watch out and keep myself fit, away from people who are not well...he didn't specify mental or physical or both..., and keep myself warm not inviting a cold that as someone with a history of pneumonia I'm prone to contracting and a cold can rapidly turn into pneumonia and that is what probably will kill me.
So hence, my expiration date has been extended with conditions.
He gave me a flu shot and sent me on my merry way saying, "See you in a month."
Next post I'll get into the Revlimid story...
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Who'da thunk???
Wellst, I've been 63 for over a week now and I don't feel any different than I did the last week of bein' 62...but I feel a whole lot better than I did for a lot of the time I was 62 and even some of bein' 61!
You know, I think it was on my last post that I used the term, "cancer survivor".
That rocked me.
I remember back in March of 2010 when I was diagnosed and I just knew I was gonna die and I was gonna die a relatively slow, agonizingly painful and ugly death. I mean, if you have cancer that's how you "hop the twig" as an ol' English gal friend of mine used to call "kickin' the bucket." afore she "hopped the twig", right? That's how both my folks went and so that was my experience.
So, now I know different and I have a new experience.
And my new experience is that I am a cancer survivor. I still have Multiple Myeloma and I always will...maybe. Who knows what they'll come up with in the next few years.
Right now I'm officially in what they call "forced remission."
They can't go in and kill off all the Multiple Myeloma cells because in order to do that they'd have to kill all my bone marrow which would not bode well for surviving that procedure, so I'm in the beginning of a three year chemo regimen designed to keep the Multiple Myeloma cells in check. I get my blood checked once a week to make sure that's what's happening, although the past few months was a bit of an anomaly in that I went several months without any chemo as my platelet count had tanked and they couldn't/wouldn't give me chemo until my platelet level climbed significantly. You run around with a platelet count of about 140 something-or-other and mine at one time skidded to 17! When I climbed over 100 they felt that was appropriate to begin the chemo again.
I don't go in for a chemo drip but rather take a pill at home...22 days on and then 8 days off with a batch of steroids every Monday.
These pills, Revlimid retail for, guess what?
$7,345 for my 22 day supply!
Thank goodness for insurance and thank goodness for Obama Care! I don't give a rats derriere what anyone thinks of him or his health care plan, all I know is that as of July 2010, insurance companies are no longer allowed to drop anyone's coverage for anything other than non payment of premiums. Last I added them up, and it's been a while, my medical bills were well over a million dollars and there's no doubt in my mind or the Doc's minds that they would have booted me long before they had to pay out anything close to what they have paid and I would have "hopped the twig" and I darest not think ow what that might have looked like.
So, I'm a very happy 63 year old cancer survivor, and I think I'll stay that way if it's okay with you!
You know, I think it was on my last post that I used the term, "cancer survivor".
That rocked me.
I remember back in March of 2010 when I was diagnosed and I just knew I was gonna die and I was gonna die a relatively slow, agonizingly painful and ugly death. I mean, if you have cancer that's how you "hop the twig" as an ol' English gal friend of mine used to call "kickin' the bucket." afore she "hopped the twig", right? That's how both my folks went and so that was my experience.
So, now I know different and I have a new experience.
And my new experience is that I am a cancer survivor. I still have Multiple Myeloma and I always will...maybe. Who knows what they'll come up with in the next few years.
Right now I'm officially in what they call "forced remission."
They can't go in and kill off all the Multiple Myeloma cells because in order to do that they'd have to kill all my bone marrow which would not bode well for surviving that procedure, so I'm in the beginning of a three year chemo regimen designed to keep the Multiple Myeloma cells in check. I get my blood checked once a week to make sure that's what's happening, although the past few months was a bit of an anomaly in that I went several months without any chemo as my platelet count had tanked and they couldn't/wouldn't give me chemo until my platelet level climbed significantly. You run around with a platelet count of about 140 something-or-other and mine at one time skidded to 17! When I climbed over 100 they felt that was appropriate to begin the chemo again.
I don't go in for a chemo drip but rather take a pill at home...22 days on and then 8 days off with a batch of steroids every Monday.
These pills, Revlimid retail for, guess what?
$7,345 for my 22 day supply!
Thank goodness for insurance and thank goodness for Obama Care! I don't give a rats derriere what anyone thinks of him or his health care plan, all I know is that as of July 2010, insurance companies are no longer allowed to drop anyone's coverage for anything other than non payment of premiums. Last I added them up, and it's been a while, my medical bills were well over a million dollars and there's no doubt in my mind or the Doc's minds that they would have booted me long before they had to pay out anything close to what they have paid and I would have "hopped the twig" and I darest not think ow what that might have looked like.
So, I'm a very happy 63 year old cancer survivor, and I think I'll stay that way if it's okay with you!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Hi there...
I know I "broke my word" about being more consistent about blogging and I'm not gonna make any promises about gettin' with it in the future cuz that's kinda like a New Year's Resolution,,,i.e. it's meant to be broken.
I do this not so much for you, but for my journal and for my autobiography, "I Don't Do Rough Drafts" which is really written...or bein' written for my son so at some point he can read it if he so desires...for my son so he can know who his dad really is/was. I've only been workin' on that for 10 years and I think I'm up to the 1st Grade living in Red Feather.
Nuff 'bout that...
I had every intention of hittin' the computer and doing this last night because yesterday was maybe one of the best days I've ever had in my whole life!
Yes, it was my birthday...63, thank you...but I got to spend it hangin' with a bunch of my drunk buddies, 'bout 1200 of them at the Area 10 State Convention...the social event of the year, if you will for Alcoholics Anonymous in the State of Colorado.
You know, I've been MIA from a lot of stuff for 'bout a year an a half and not only was it good to see folks I haven't seen in a while, but to receive both Birthday wishes and congratulation on being a cancer survivor and a lot of the people making comments about either event I didn't even recognize! If it weren't for the name badges I would have embarrassed my self a half a dozen times or more.
The feeling I had inside was reminiscent of the feeling that I had at the Bowlathon that the Board of Realtors had for me.
There's an overwhelming feeling that I get that tries to tell me I'm not worthy of the love and affection that I get and simultaneously I have this feeling of "schadenfreud". That's a word I came across while reading "When Bad Things Happen To Good People"...it's that almost guilty feeling that you get when something bad happens to someone else and you think that maybe it should happen to you...like dying.
Since my diagnosis on 3/17/10 there have been a number of people who have succumbed to cancer or another malady...and then there was Justin who we buried on his 29th birthday just a couple of weeks ago...63 year old guys with cancer should die, not 28 year old young men who die of an acute asthma attack.
Change of attitude...
I got to hear a couple of dear friends speak, Lew and Judy from Boulder. Both of them have significant, quality time in A.A.and I learn something from them every time I spend any time with them.
Not to take anything away from Lew and Judy, but one of the speakers, who turned n80 the day before I turned 63 spoke twice on a subject near and dear to m heart, God as I understand him. His name is Sandy Beach...yes that is his real name...and he lives in Tampa Bay, FL.
Both he and Judy made me cry, but I think I hid it well...I think.
I cried! I'm alive! I feel!
There was also an excitement over Matt coming up tomorrow, which is now today, and bring Ari, my 4 year old grandson with him.
I had every intention of coming home last night and doing this...
Even though I've just been back on chemo for just a couple of weeks, I'v had "parchment" skin for quite a while.Parchment skin is a nomer for skin that is thin and dry and it ears easily, especially where I have bruises that look like dark age spots caused by having a low platelet level.
Anywho, I got home about 11:00 and went to get something to drink out of th fridge and went into my home office and turned the computer on. While it was doing its get turned on thing I went back into the kitchen and noticed a blood trail on the floor.
That's not unusual ceptin' it, the tear, usually happens to my left arm or hand where I have no feeling. This one was on the back of my right hand and I have/had no idea on how I did it.
Now, it's almost midnight and I'm bleeding like the proverbial stuck pig.
Usually a little direct pressure will stop the bleeding and I slap a Band Aid on and it and I'm good to go.
Well, for some reason I could not get this one to stop bleeding. Now, mind you, this is on my right hand and because I can't get it to stop bleeding I can't get undressed, I can't brush my teeth and I can't get my two lanyards off (my name badge from the convention and my glasses). I can however get a rag and clean up the blood on the floor and the counter in the kitchen.
I get it to slow down and I get some NuSkin and figure out how to apply some and,"OUCH!!!!!". It felt like I was using a Styptic pencil...anybody ever use one of those?
That didn't work so we got another paper towel and back to direct pressure.
Twas shortly after 1:00 that I got it to almost stop, at least enough to get not one, not two, not three but four Band Aids on it.
I woke up this morning to find that I had mildly bled through all 4 Band Aids, so I removed them and bled politely through my shower and then it was back to direct pressure and it didn't take all that long to get the bleeding stopped.I put on some NuSkin, but no "ouch" this time, and two Band Aids and that has lasted all day.
Wellst, now I have cramping in my left hand so I'm gonna sign off.
Know that I have a love for life and for you.
I know I "broke my word" about being more consistent about blogging and I'm not gonna make any promises about gettin' with it in the future cuz that's kinda like a New Year's Resolution,,,i.e. it's meant to be broken.
I do this not so much for you, but for my journal and for my autobiography, "I Don't Do Rough Drafts" which is really written...or bein' written for my son so at some point he can read it if he so desires...for my son so he can know who his dad really is/was. I've only been workin' on that for 10 years and I think I'm up to the 1st Grade living in Red Feather.
Nuff 'bout that...
I had every intention of hittin' the computer and doing this last night because yesterday was maybe one of the best days I've ever had in my whole life!
Yes, it was my birthday...63, thank you...but I got to spend it hangin' with a bunch of my drunk buddies, 'bout 1200 of them at the Area 10 State Convention...the social event of the year, if you will for Alcoholics Anonymous in the State of Colorado.
You know, I've been MIA from a lot of stuff for 'bout a year an a half and not only was it good to see folks I haven't seen in a while, but to receive both Birthday wishes and congratulation on being a cancer survivor and a lot of the people making comments about either event I didn't even recognize! If it weren't for the name badges I would have embarrassed my self a half a dozen times or more.
The feeling I had inside was reminiscent of the feeling that I had at the Bowlathon that the Board of Realtors had for me.
There's an overwhelming feeling that I get that tries to tell me I'm not worthy of the love and affection that I get and simultaneously I have this feeling of "schadenfreud". That's a word I came across while reading "When Bad Things Happen To Good People"...it's that almost guilty feeling that you get when something bad happens to someone else and you think that maybe it should happen to you...like dying.
Since my diagnosis on 3/17/10 there have been a number of people who have succumbed to cancer or another malady...and then there was Justin who we buried on his 29th birthday just a couple of weeks ago...63 year old guys with cancer should die, not 28 year old young men who die of an acute asthma attack.
Change of attitude...
I got to hear a couple of dear friends speak, Lew and Judy from Boulder. Both of them have significant, quality time in A.A.and I learn something from them every time I spend any time with them.
Not to take anything away from Lew and Judy, but one of the speakers, who turned n80 the day before I turned 63 spoke twice on a subject near and dear to m heart, God as I understand him. His name is Sandy Beach...yes that is his real name...and he lives in Tampa Bay, FL.
Both he and Judy made me cry, but I think I hid it well...I think.
I cried! I'm alive! I feel!
There was also an excitement over Matt coming up tomorrow, which is now today, and bring Ari, my 4 year old grandson with him.
I had every intention of coming home last night and doing this...
Even though I've just been back on chemo for just a couple of weeks, I'v had "parchment" skin for quite a while.Parchment skin is a nomer for skin that is thin and dry and it ears easily, especially where I have bruises that look like dark age spots caused by having a low platelet level.
Anywho, I got home about 11:00 and went to get something to drink out of th fridge and went into my home office and turned the computer on. While it was doing its get turned on thing I went back into the kitchen and noticed a blood trail on the floor.
That's not unusual ceptin' it, the tear, usually happens to my left arm or hand where I have no feeling. This one was on the back of my right hand and I have/had no idea on how I did it.
Now, it's almost midnight and I'm bleeding like the proverbial stuck pig.
Usually a little direct pressure will stop the bleeding and I slap a Band Aid on and it and I'm good to go.
Well, for some reason I could not get this one to stop bleeding. Now, mind you, this is on my right hand and because I can't get it to stop bleeding I can't get undressed, I can't brush my teeth and I can't get my two lanyards off (my name badge from the convention and my glasses). I can however get a rag and clean up the blood on the floor and the counter in the kitchen.
I get it to slow down and I get some NuSkin and figure out how to apply some and,"OUCH!!!!!". It felt like I was using a Styptic pencil...anybody ever use one of those?
That didn't work so we got another paper towel and back to direct pressure.
Twas shortly after 1:00 that I got it to almost stop, at least enough to get not one, not two, not three but four Band Aids on it.
I woke up this morning to find that I had mildly bled through all 4 Band Aids, so I removed them and bled politely through my shower and then it was back to direct pressure and it didn't take all that long to get the bleeding stopped.I put on some NuSkin, but no "ouch" this time, and two Band Aids and that has lasted all day.
Wellst, now I have cramping in my left hand so I'm gonna sign off.
Know that I have a love for life and for you.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Sadness, but a reminder...
My young friends funeral service was held yesterday at the Evangelical Covenant Church here in Fort Collins.Today he was buried in Flagler, CO...a small community out east in the plains, a community sooooo small there isn't even a stop light. There is where the family plot is and now that's where he is.
Fridays @ 5:30pm we have an AA meeting at my friend Jack's house.
Jack has quite a story in that he had a liver transplant back in '96 I think and in '98 he contracted West Nile. Twixt the transplant and the West Nile, where he was in a coma for several months, he has a taste of "almost dying" a couple of times.
During my Cancer journey, the DNR got pulled out twice. I only barely remember one of those instances but in the past few days I've had cause to reflect back and ponder those two times.
I really put some people who were/are pretty close to me through a living hell. One of them, who has my Medical Power of Attorney calls my "episode" in Poudre Valley Hospital as the worst week of his life.
Anywho, back to Jack...I got to his house a little early and we got to talk one-on-one for a while and mutually reflect on how he and I have deep appreciation for life...not just ours, but the lives of others, too.
Sadly, too many people just take life for granted...that doesn't make them all bad, it's just that they have not had any personal near death experiences or been close to someone who has either had a near death experience or who has died.
Life is precious, not only mine but yours, too.
Coming up on Aug. 25th is the 1 year anniversary of my Stem Cell Transplant and one of those people closest too me, my Friend Doug is having a party to celebrate that occasion and is inviting "Team Pete" and some others who played a loving roll in basically keeping me alive.
I'm thinking it'll almost be like a "wake"!
If you are reading this, I will know that you will be there in Spirit and I sooooooo appreciate and love you for your participation in my life.
Thank you.
Fridays @ 5:30pm we have an AA meeting at my friend Jack's house.
Jack has quite a story in that he had a liver transplant back in '96 I think and in '98 he contracted West Nile. Twixt the transplant and the West Nile, where he was in a coma for several months, he has a taste of "almost dying" a couple of times.
During my Cancer journey, the DNR got pulled out twice. I only barely remember one of those instances but in the past few days I've had cause to reflect back and ponder those two times.
I really put some people who were/are pretty close to me through a living hell. One of them, who has my Medical Power of Attorney calls my "episode" in Poudre Valley Hospital as the worst week of his life.
Anywho, back to Jack...I got to his house a little early and we got to talk one-on-one for a while and mutually reflect on how he and I have deep appreciation for life...not just ours, but the lives of others, too.
Sadly, too many people just take life for granted...that doesn't make them all bad, it's just that they have not had any personal near death experiences or been close to someone who has either had a near death experience or who has died.
Life is precious, not only mine but yours, too.
Coming up on Aug. 25th is the 1 year anniversary of my Stem Cell Transplant and one of those people closest too me, my Friend Doug is having a party to celebrate that occasion and is inviting "Team Pete" and some others who played a loving roll in basically keeping me alive.
I'm thinking it'll almost be like a "wake"!
If you are reading this, I will know that you will be there in Spirit and I sooooooo appreciate and love you for your participation in my life.
Thank you.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Soooooooooooo...
...I got way from blogging...again.
Dang.
Anywho, It's been a wile and my brother guilt tripped me this afternoon into blogging again....thanks, Kevin!
So, I've been out for a coupla+ weeks now and it feels wonderful, although I'm not feeling wonderful at the moment.
More 'bout that later.
My hair has grown back slowly, but It's been probably close to three months ago I had a hairct and I'm not quite ready for another one yet.
I weighed in this morning at 164.5 and I haven't done the subtraction, but I was 238 when I checked into the Universty of Colorado Hospital last year.
I'm real close to going to the Miramont health Club and taking advantage of the membership that my insurance company will pay for.
I really got to enjoy the Physical and Occupational Therapy when I was in the rehab and I really have no excuse for not going and exercising that free membership. I'm hoping I can find a trainer who will work with me much like the therapists in rehab did.
I went to the Salws Meeting at RE/MAX te other day and really enjoyed it. I'm really trying to take it easy and gradually eas back into te "workplace".
I really need to build up my stamina and energy (Hence the Health Club?!?) because I really don't want to find myself back in the hospital.
I would "blog on", but like I said, I'm not really feeling wondeful right now.
It's no secret that I'm a card carrying member of Alcoholics Anonymous, and an active member at that. One of the things we do in AA is "sponsor" people, that is mentor them and take them through the 12 Steps.
About 3 months ago, a new guy walked into my Home Group, the But For The Grace group, and as the Universe would have it he was a member of the Health Community and was actually a Medical Assistant at one of the clinics that I go to.
He was having a difficult time staying sober, but was making great spiritual progress at the same time. We were meeting a couple of times a week other than going to a few meetings together and he took a hankerin' to both the First Church of the Second Chance and the Evangelical Covenant Church.
He was 28 years old.
Was?
He died yesterday.
Last Wednesday the Dark Side grabbed him and wouldn't let go and he drank.
It was obvious that he had been drinking when I went to pick him up for the FCSC (First Church of the Second Chance) but we went anyway and afterwards came to the mutual conclusion that he should go over to Greeley and spend a few days with his mother to detox and sober up.
She came over and picked him up, but he was able to conceal that he had been drinking from her.
I did not know that Thursday she was going down to Parker for a few days.
He and I exchanged phone calls and text messages and, in spite of he DT's and hallucinations he seemed to be doing well.
Last night I got a call from his mother telling me that he had died.
We talked at length and I went over to Greeley this mornng. His two aunts, his mother's and her male friend from Parker were there.
Long story short...the autopsy performed this morning was inconclusive. The Coroner sent away what he had to send away for toxicology reports. He said that from what he could tell there had been no foul play and there was, to bthe best of his knowledge no drugs or alcohol in his system.
His mother lives across the street from an elementary school and neighbors said that mid-afternoon Saturday they had seen him over at the school saluting an empty flagpole, but then lost sight of him.
About an hour later someone ran across his body in the schoolyard and called the police who then tracked down his mother and called her in Parker.
There are a couple of more odd details, but they aren't pertinent to this blog.
Thanks for listening and I need to go try and get some sleep.
I didn't get much last night and in the morning I need to make some rounds telling some people and institutions of his passing rather than have his mother come over and do that which would be at best an unplesant task for her.
Dang.
Anywho, It's been a wile and my brother guilt tripped me this afternoon into blogging again....thanks, Kevin!
So, I've been out for a coupla+ weeks now and it feels wonderful, although I'm not feeling wonderful at the moment.
More 'bout that later.
My hair has grown back slowly, but It's been probably close to three months ago I had a hairct and I'm not quite ready for another one yet.
I weighed in this morning at 164.5 and I haven't done the subtraction, but I was 238 when I checked into the Universty of Colorado Hospital last year.
I'm real close to going to the Miramont health Club and taking advantage of the membership that my insurance company will pay for.
I really got to enjoy the Physical and Occupational Therapy when I was in the rehab and I really have no excuse for not going and exercising that free membership. I'm hoping I can find a trainer who will work with me much like the therapists in rehab did.
I went to the Salws Meeting at RE/MAX te other day and really enjoyed it. I'm really trying to take it easy and gradually eas back into te "workplace".
I really need to build up my stamina and energy (Hence the Health Club?!?) because I really don't want to find myself back in the hospital.
I would "blog on", but like I said, I'm not really feeling wondeful right now.
It's no secret that I'm a card carrying member of Alcoholics Anonymous, and an active member at that. One of the things we do in AA is "sponsor" people, that is mentor them and take them through the 12 Steps.
About 3 months ago, a new guy walked into my Home Group, the But For The Grace group, and as the Universe would have it he was a member of the Health Community and was actually a Medical Assistant at one of the clinics that I go to.
He was having a difficult time staying sober, but was making great spiritual progress at the same time. We were meeting a couple of times a week other than going to a few meetings together and he took a hankerin' to both the First Church of the Second Chance and the Evangelical Covenant Church.
He was 28 years old.
Was?
He died yesterday.
Last Wednesday the Dark Side grabbed him and wouldn't let go and he drank.
It was obvious that he had been drinking when I went to pick him up for the FCSC (First Church of the Second Chance) but we went anyway and afterwards came to the mutual conclusion that he should go over to Greeley and spend a few days with his mother to detox and sober up.
She came over and picked him up, but he was able to conceal that he had been drinking from her.
I did not know that Thursday she was going down to Parker for a few days.
He and I exchanged phone calls and text messages and, in spite of he DT's and hallucinations he seemed to be doing well.
Last night I got a call from his mother telling me that he had died.
We talked at length and I went over to Greeley this mornng. His two aunts, his mother's and her male friend from Parker were there.
Long story short...the autopsy performed this morning was inconclusive. The Coroner sent away what he had to send away for toxicology reports. He said that from what he could tell there had been no foul play and there was, to bthe best of his knowledge no drugs or alcohol in his system.
His mother lives across the street from an elementary school and neighbors said that mid-afternoon Saturday they had seen him over at the school saluting an empty flagpole, but then lost sight of him.
About an hour later someone ran across his body in the schoolyard and called the police who then tracked down his mother and called her in Parker.
There are a couple of more odd details, but they aren't pertinent to this blog.
Thanks for listening and I need to go try and get some sleep.
I didn't get much last night and in the morning I need to make some rounds telling some people and institutions of his passing rather than have his mother come over and do that which would be at best an unplesant task for her.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Allelujiah!!!!!!
...or however you spell it.
Today is one of the happiest days of my life.
My Multiple Myeloma is in "forced remission" which is the absolute best state of being that a Myeloma Cancer patient can be in.
After many, many tests of all kinds, the cause of the chronic blood infection I had which was throwing me alternately into tremors trying to get warm to night sweats because I was too hot and trying to stuff me in the Tuff Shed at the same time...and this had been going on since November last!...was found and taken care of.
The C-diff intestinal bacterial issues have been made to dissappear.
AND Today the last of my Dr.s up here (I've got one more to consult in Denver) has declared me pert ne'er as healthy as I'll ever get because the mass in my lung which just few months ago they biopsied to see if it was cancerous (it warn't) had just disappered completely and gave me the "green light", as has all my other Docs, to continue with re-hab for a bit and then ease myself back "into the mainstreet of life", as my friend Vicky would say.
Tonight, looking back what most vividly comes to mind is that, "prayer works."
Thanks for all your prayers...
Today is one of the happiest days of my life.
My Multiple Myeloma is in "forced remission" which is the absolute best state of being that a Myeloma Cancer patient can be in.
After many, many tests of all kinds, the cause of the chronic blood infection I had which was throwing me alternately into tremors trying to get warm to night sweats because I was too hot and trying to stuff me in the Tuff Shed at the same time...and this had been going on since November last!...was found and taken care of.
The C-diff intestinal bacterial issues have been made to dissappear.
AND Today the last of my Dr.s up here (I've got one more to consult in Denver) has declared me pert ne'er as healthy as I'll ever get because the mass in my lung which just few months ago they biopsied to see if it was cancerous (it warn't) had just disappered completely and gave me the "green light", as has all my other Docs, to continue with re-hab for a bit and then ease myself back "into the mainstreet of life", as my friend Vicky would say.
Tonight, looking back what most vividly comes to mind is that, "prayer works."
Thanks for all your prayers...
Saturday, July 16, 2011
I feel like I should be the target/subject of a Marty Robbins Country Western Ballad...
Huh?
Well, seems it's been since June 10th past that I have posted...I promised to do better.
Perhaps it's been that a lot has happened since then?
Lemme tell you, we're fighting this "ill-health" stuff with everything I have and a lot I don't have, and in the not too distant future I will be as re-healthy as I can be and both back at my vocation and avocation with all the enthusiasm and passion I can muster.
This I promise.
Now we're gonna talk about the past 6 weeks...the names have been changed to protect the innocent, the guilty, the selfish, the altruistic, the ignorant, the sheep, the undeclared motivationists and everybody else involved.
Okay, post June 10th posting I have found my self back in the hospital and rehab twice :-(.
Once because of the results of the sudden onslaught of a high fever, 104 degree fever that brought on not shivers but uncontrollable tremors that could not, would not stop.
And again because of high fever, sans tremors.
My Docs have been really puzzled over the blood infections that causes sooooo many of my health woes, and after intraconsultation decided to remove both my Super Port and my Three Lumen Hickman (the devices through which for the past year+ I have been receiving chemo, having blood drawn, transfusions of both blood and platelets, re hydration fluids, magnesium, potassium and who knows what else...oh, yeah, stem cells in and out.) feeling that perhaps they were the source of infection.
Wellst, they removed them both, set me up with an IV and, "poof", the infection is gone and the conclusion is that it was the ports that had been causing the blood infection problems all the way back to my stays in the University of Colorado Hospital in Denver.
So anywho, during time of these procedures and discoveries, I wake up to a posse {Now begins the Monty Robbins Ballad in a non-musical genre} surrounding my bed!
I'm a little groggy, but this is what I hear, see and feel...
Within a few moments one of my Docs came in for morning rounds and I tell him of the saga of being encaptured, arrested, tried, convicted and sentenced.
With some emotion I might add, he pondered, "I wonder how they came to this conclusion without talking to your doctor?"
He told me to take it easy, my blood pressure needn't any more stressors and to get a hold of someone from the hospital patient advocacy department, which I did.
The advocate came up and reiterated that I had nothing to worry and no one could take my rights away and I could/should keep him informed.
Later that day my Neurologist PA came in with the results of Cat Scans, X-rays and MRIs and told me as far as he was concerned I was free to go home after rehab.
The next morning another of my Docs was making rounds an told me that the plan all along had been for me to finish rehab and go home and back to work.
Soooooooooooo, here's the plan.
I'm gonna finish out my time at here at rehab, because I want to, not because I have to and then I'm gonna go home and continue rehab and slowly prepare to and slowly re-enter the work world.
And this is with the blessings of my physicians and therapists.
What I am not going to do is to be herded into a 12x12 enclosure with $2,000 in assets and a $100.00 a month allowance for the rest of my life and the opportunity to play Bingo once a week, have someone read the newspaper to me in group, listen to a weekly piano player relive Liberace and an opportunity to go to Walmart once a month to spend what allowance monies I have left after hitting the vending machine all month.
Nope, that's not the plan.
More will be revealed, I'm sure.
If any of the posse reads this and takes offense....I'm sorry.
I know you were/are just trying to be of help and I do appreciate it, and I appreciate all you've done for me up to this point.
I've lost one friend over all this and I would hate to loose another.
Good Friends are hard to find and bond with.
Well, seems it's been since June 10th past that I have posted...I promised to do better.
Perhaps it's been that a lot has happened since then?
Lemme tell you, we're fighting this "ill-health" stuff with everything I have and a lot I don't have, and in the not too distant future I will be as re-healthy as I can be and both back at my vocation and avocation with all the enthusiasm and passion I can muster.
This I promise.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now we're gonna talk about the past 6 weeks...the names have been changed to protect the innocent, the guilty, the selfish, the altruistic, the ignorant, the sheep, the undeclared motivationists and everybody else involved.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~Let me disclaim the "facts as I see them are as I see them and possibly suspect~~~
Okay, post June 10th posting I have found my self back in the hospital and rehab twice :-(.
Once because of the results of the sudden onslaught of a high fever, 104 degree fever that brought on not shivers but uncontrollable tremors that could not, would not stop.
And again because of high fever, sans tremors.
My Docs have been really puzzled over the blood infections that causes sooooo many of my health woes, and after intraconsultation decided to remove both my Super Port and my Three Lumen Hickman (the devices through which for the past year+ I have been receiving chemo, having blood drawn, transfusions of both blood and platelets, re hydration fluids, magnesium, potassium and who knows what else...oh, yeah, stem cells in and out.) feeling that perhaps they were the source of infection.
Wellst, they removed them both, set me up with an IV and, "poof", the infection is gone and the conclusion is that it was the ports that had been causing the blood infection problems all the way back to my stays in the University of Colorado Hospital in Denver.
So anywho, during time of these procedures and discoveries, I wake up to a posse {Now begins the Monty Robbins Ballad in a non-musical genre} surrounding my bed!
I'm a little groggy, but this is what I hear, see and feel...
- I'm told that I have roughly 20 days to spend down whatever funds I have and to sell off any assets to $2,000 or less because this is what will be needed for me to be Medicaid eligible.
- Once I am Medicaid eligible I can be moved to an Assisted living Care facility of some sort and my Social Security Disability and Medicare and Medicaid will be intercepted to pay my bills at the Assisted Living Center and I will be allocated $100.00 per month.
- And lucky me, this arrangement would go on for the rest of my life, "Thank you!".
~~~Again,let me disclaim that the "facts as I see them are as I see them and possibly suspect ~~~
Needless to say I'm a little shell shocked and attempt to mount a defense, even though it's 8 to 1, but I get shot down when the posse calls for a vote and the posse created question goes out to the posse, "Do you think pete can live by himself?"
Well, the vote was 8-0...surprise, surprise, surprise.
Then there were some cordial adieus, and they saddled up and rode off into the sunrise.
Funny how things work sometimes..."I feel the bullet go deep in my chest..."
Within a few moments one of my Docs came in for morning rounds and I tell him of the saga of being encaptured, arrested, tried, convicted and sentenced.
With some emotion I might add, he pondered, "I wonder how they came to this conclusion without talking to your doctor?"
He told me to take it easy, my blood pressure needn't any more stressors and to get a hold of someone from the hospital patient advocacy department, which I did.
The advocate came up and reiterated that I had nothing to worry and no one could take my rights away and I could/should keep him informed.
Later that day my Neurologist PA came in with the results of Cat Scans, X-rays and MRIs and told me as far as he was concerned I was free to go home after rehab.
The next morning another of my Docs was making rounds an told me that the plan all along had been for me to finish rehab and go home and back to work.
Soooooooooooo, here's the plan.
I'm gonna finish out my time at here at rehab, because I want to, not because I have to and then I'm gonna go home and continue rehab and slowly prepare to and slowly re-enter the work world.
And this is with the blessings of my physicians and therapists.
What I am not going to do is to be herded into a 12x12 enclosure with $2,000 in assets and a $100.00 a month allowance for the rest of my life and the opportunity to play Bingo once a week, have someone read the newspaper to me in group, listen to a weekly piano player relive Liberace and an opportunity to go to Walmart once a month to spend what allowance monies I have left after hitting the vending machine all month.
Nope, that's not the plan.
More will be revealed, I'm sure.
If any of the posse reads this and takes offense....I'm sorry.
I know you were/are just trying to be of help and I do appreciate it, and I appreciate all you've done for me up to this point.
I've lost one friend over all this and I would hate to loose another.
Good Friends are hard to find and bond with.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Home next Wednesday!!!
Have I ever asked you why that first "d" is in Wednesday? I mean, nobody, except maybe me and Kristine, one of the therapists here, pronounces it. So why is it there?
Don't you think that as a society we ought to petition Funk & Wagnalls, Websters and the rest of the Dictionary Dudes to adios it?
It would be doing the English speaking world a favor should there ever be a "d" shortage. I mean, like we could prevent a "d" shortage should the threat of one ever come about, huh?
Anywho, as it stands right now I should be expelled from the rehab next Wednesday, if not before...although the "not before" is outa my hands.
T'will be nice to get home, be home, and do home things like sleep in my own bed.
I know I have been down this path a coupla times before, but I believe this trip home is gonna stick.
I had that splendid check-up at the University of Colorado Hospital on Monday, I have been an exemplary and patient patient here to the Fort Collins Health Care Center, a.k.a. rehab, have a new found respect for diet and exercise which I've decided to keep up with when I leave here...note that I didn't say, "intend to keep up with" because the road to hell is paved with good intentions and I really don't wanna go that route.
I'm feelin' pretty good and am awaitin' my Friend Doug to come and take me to one of those A & A meetin's where, if just all by myself I can respectfully celebrate its 76th year of existence.
Don't you think that as a society we ought to petition Funk & Wagnalls, Websters and the rest of the Dictionary Dudes to adios it?
It would be doing the English speaking world a favor should there ever be a "d" shortage. I mean, like we could prevent a "d" shortage should the threat of one ever come about, huh?
Anywho, as it stands right now I should be expelled from the rehab next Wednesday, if not before...although the "not before" is outa my hands.
T'will be nice to get home, be home, and do home things like sleep in my own bed.
I know I have been down this path a coupla times before, but I believe this trip home is gonna stick.
I had that splendid check-up at the University of Colorado Hospital on Monday, I have been an exemplary and patient patient here to the Fort Collins Health Care Center, a.k.a. rehab, have a new found respect for diet and exercise which I've decided to keep up with when I leave here...note that I didn't say, "intend to keep up with" because the road to hell is paved with good intentions and I really don't wanna go that route.
I'm feelin' pretty good and am awaitin' my Friend Doug to come and take me to one of those A & A meetin's where, if just all by myself I can respectfully celebrate its 76th year of existence.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Bad day...Good day
This not so good picture is my, "I've had a not so good day".
I went to Denver to the nUniversity Hospital for my monthly checkup which went almost extremely well.
The almost is divided up into two things...or maybe more, but I don't remember any more than two at present.
#1 I got a great check up in Denver, even if I didn't see Dr. Myint in person. The Physician Assistant, who gave me her name and I knew her from my stays in the hospital down there butn Chemo Brain is kicking in and I can't remember her name, went over my blood work and most of it was excellent. The Myeloma markers...whatever they are, but it doesn't matter...arre right where they hoped they would be and they are surprised that they are still "in check" because I haven't had any chemo for a while. They would like to get me back on chemo, but they can't/won't because my platelet level isn't where it should be. Normal platelet level is 140 and today mine was 60, It's bounced around a bunceh. A couple of weeks ago it was 85. When I was in the hospital a couple of months ago it was toying with being in the twenties!
I asked her what I could do or eat to bring my platelet level up and she told me something in laymen terms that I could understand(!). Platelets are made by bone marrow and because I've had so much going on since Thanksgiving, or so, my body had a decision to make...fight what was going on, Organizing Pneumonia, C-diff, head healing from falling down, fevers, and so my bone marrow, still reeling from the transplant, could have worked on "building" platelets but it chose to fight whatever was going on, or a combination thereof.
So, that's why the emphasis on getting me healthy.
#2 I was gone this afternoon when it came time to decide what I wanted for dinner. Times before when I did that, whatever was served to me (I choose to eat in my broom...to eat in the dininng roommis just too depressing) was palatable +. The food here has been exceptional as compared to airplanem or typical hospital food.
Anywho, tonight they brought the bowl of tomato soup, potato chips and four 1/2 slices of bread that is in the bad picture above.
I called Jimmy John's across the street and had them deliver a Tuna Sub Sandwich.
The good part of the day was the excellent check up, less the platelets and that I got to drive myself to and from Denver!
I'll get to adios here when the C-diff is gone. One of the nurses here told me about an over the counter that would help in making the C-diff go away, I'm taking the prescribed meds to make it go awy, and I'm just wishing it to go away.
I think I'll be home soon!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
167.8
When I was diagnosed March before last I weighed 238...gulp (I mean that figuratively, like when you get surprised or something.)
Since somewhere in the 70s I've struggled with my weight.
They weigh m,e every day here at the rehad...Fort Collins Health Care Centre...and this morning I clocked in @ 167.8!
Think I couldd/should go on Late night TV and spew Cancer and its complications as a weight loss program and get paid for it?
I could sell bottles of Cancer pills for $29.95 for a months supply and for only 3 EZ Payments of $9.8333333333333333333333333 but if they call in the next 17 seconds we'd knock off one payment and double the shipping and handling of $7.95!
I could use Photoshop to make me look even heavier than I was and to look like I've muscleized (I wish). I could rent a Hummer and a really cool boat to flash around in the background.
Oh,yeah...I'd need a dozen or so bikini clad chicks to be swarming around, most of them on their feet.
Don't know what song to be playing in the background.
Any ideas?
And somehow ignore what the cancer journey entails and that even if you go into so-called remission, depending on the type of cancer you have it may always have cells lurking in your body. And that the complications are sometimes way more troublesome than the cancer is/was.
Which is what I'm dealing with now and what has caused the weight loss.
Loosing the weight that I have is certainly by circumstance and not by virtue.
I love my PTs and my OTs and they kick my ass sometimes during therapy, but what has caused my current weight dive, 174 last week to the 167.8 of today is the C-diff has returned.
So, it is adding more time to my stay here at the Rehab Hilton.
I'll get outa here and home someday.
The first time I contracted C-diff I was in the hospital and it took a good monyh or so to adios and those who came to visit me, including Drs. and nurses had to put on paper hazmat suits. The second time was in my second rehab and they made people gown up if they wanted to, but nobody did and here they just want to emphasize serious hand-washing.
So, how long is it (the above two colored c-diff words are links) gonna extend my stay here?
Dunno.
Ain't gonna ask.
Now, the paradox if you will.
Yesterday I went to my Pulminologist who had reviewed both my most recent chest x-ray and catscan and declared that the chest x-ray was the best since I first saw him about three years ago and the catscan showed no abnormalities in my lungs, other than the mystery mass which has been biopsied non-malignant!
I didn't know all this was included in the Adventure I wanted this to be!
Since somewhere in the 70s I've struggled with my weight.
They weigh m,e every day here at the rehad...Fort Collins Health Care Centre...and this morning I clocked in @ 167.8!
Think I couldd/should go on Late night TV and spew Cancer and its complications as a weight loss program and get paid for it?
I could sell bottles of Cancer pills for $29.95 for a months supply and for only 3 EZ Payments of $9.8333333333333333333333333 but if they call in the next 17 seconds we'd knock off one payment and double the shipping and handling of $7.95!
I could use Photoshop to make me look even heavier than I was and to look like I've muscleized (I wish). I could rent a Hummer and a really cool boat to flash around in the background.
Oh,yeah...I'd need a dozen or so bikini clad chicks to be swarming around, most of them on their feet.
Don't know what song to be playing in the background.
Any ideas?
And somehow ignore what the cancer journey entails and that even if you go into so-called remission, depending on the type of cancer you have it may always have cells lurking in your body. And that the complications are sometimes way more troublesome than the cancer is/was.
Which is what I'm dealing with now and what has caused the weight loss.
Loosing the weight that I have is certainly by circumstance and not by virtue.
I love my PTs and my OTs and they kick my ass sometimes during therapy, but what has caused my current weight dive, 174 last week to the 167.8 of today is the C-diff has returned.
So, it is adding more time to my stay here at the Rehab Hilton.
I'll get outa here and home someday.
The first time I contracted C-diff I was in the hospital and it took a good monyh or so to adios and those who came to visit me, including Drs. and nurses had to put on paper hazmat suits. The second time was in my second rehab and they made people gown up if they wanted to, but nobody did and here they just want to emphasize serious hand-washing.
So, how long is it (the above two colored c-diff words are links) gonna extend my stay here?
Dunno.
Ain't gonna ask.
Now, the paradox if you will.
Yesterday I went to my Pulminologist who had reviewed both my most recent chest x-ray and catscan and declared that the chest x-ray was the best since I first saw him about three years ago and the catscan showed no abnormalities in my lungs, other than the mystery mass which has been biopsied non-malignant!
I didn't know all this was included in the Adventure I wanted this to be!
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Down in the dumps?
I woke up this morning around 5:30 cuz my ribs were just killin' me. I've had broken ribs and that's what they feel like. All of the crud symptoms are gone except the nagging cough, and it is beyond it's "productive (hacking up "luggies") but it is still deep and it hurts ...waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
But there was something else bugging me.
As I lay there flat on my back, the only position where there is no rib pain, and pondered, things started to fall into place in my fontal lobe...
What's better, "A bottle in front of me", or "a frontal loboltomy?"
Well, now it is two days after the waking up incident and I feel a little better...emphasis on "little".
I've talked to some friends about it and that has helped some, but it doesn't negate the fact that I've been dealing with the cancer and now the complications.
This is really gonna sound like whining, and it is, but I'm really tired and frustrated with not having a say in my life. I'm not talking about my caregivers and the people who have worked pretty damn hard to keep me alive.
I'm angry with the Multiple Myeloma, the Organized Pnuemonia, having a compromized immune system and all that goes with that.
Those are the things that prevent me from having a say in what's going on in my life. Since March 17 of last year I've been uprooted from my home and my job, spent more time in hospitals and now rehab that I have at either RE/MAX Advanced or in my own bed.
That's like over a year!
That's a long time.
My wishes for making all his an Adventure and not wanting it to go to waste are still there.
An adventure it has been and I'm not tooooo sre what not wanting it to go to waste means.
Just had my lunch and then went to brosh my teeth and I missed Aunt Bea explaining how she put a dent in the car she ain' bought yet...
Anywo, that's a long time.
Well. last night my Friend Griff stopped by. And what a surprise as he lives on the Olympic Pennisula in Washington.
He didn't stay long, but his words of wisdom, as usual, made not only a huge amount of sense but made me feel good as they do when I choose to ask and then listen.
The one point he drove home was that there is nothing I can do to change what has happened in the past and some...or many...of the things that are going to happen in the future. There are things that are entirely out of my control and there's one of two ways that I can react abut what has happened and what will happen. I can either be really pissed off and let the Dark Side rule how I think and act and caue me to become uncommunicable and depressed on both the inside and out. It'll also afect those who care for me and who want the best for me including geting well.
Or.......................
I can accept the fact that there is absolutely nothing I can do to change the past or many things, but not all, in the future. To remember that people who say, "I gusss it's just meant to be" or "Everything happens for a reason" are just using cliches to try and soften te unexplainable and that I should suggest to them they read, "When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold Kushnner."
He went on to tell me cliches are good for explaining physical laws, like gravity but have no bearing when it comes to the spiritual and that we are not human beings having spiritual experiences now and then but rather we are spiritual beings frequently enduring human experiences.
And in a brief minute or to he made me realize the obvious...that, yes it's been over a year but there is a light at the end of the tunnel where once there was none.
...and now it's 3 days since that wake up thing...
It's Sunday and I slept in and I have no clue how that happened. I don't remember them coming in at 6:00am to wake me up and give me meds and take my vitals. I don't remember them bringing my breakfast and setting it on my tray. But "worst" of all, I don't remember Bruce and Bonnie being here to take me to church...it's not their job to wake me up, I just don't remember them being here...and for not being ready I owe them a huge apology.
Soooooo, it's Sunday of Memorial Day Weekend, no scheduled therapy although I'll probably do some laps around the facility, but it's such a pain in the derriere to lug around the portable oxygen. I can hardly wait for the cough and crud to go away so my lungs will get back to normal and I won't have to tote the oxygen around and I can get back on track for gettin' outa here.
Matt's comin' up for "lupper".
If "brunch" is the term for a meal that is twixt the traditional times of breakfast and lunch, what is the apolitical correct term for a meal that happens twixt lunch and supper?
But there was something else bugging me.
As I lay there flat on my back, the only position where there is no rib pain, and pondered, things started to fall into place in my fontal lobe...
What's better, "A bottle in front of me", or "a frontal loboltomy?"
Well, now it is two days after the waking up incident and I feel a little better...emphasis on "little".
I've talked to some friends about it and that has helped some, but it doesn't negate the fact that I've been dealing with the cancer and now the complications.
This is really gonna sound like whining, and it is, but I'm really tired and frustrated with not having a say in my life. I'm not talking about my caregivers and the people who have worked pretty damn hard to keep me alive.
I'm angry with the Multiple Myeloma, the Organized Pnuemonia, having a compromized immune system and all that goes with that.
Those are the things that prevent me from having a say in what's going on in my life. Since March 17 of last year I've been uprooted from my home and my job, spent more time in hospitals and now rehab that I have at either RE/MAX Advanced or in my own bed.
That's like over a year!
That's a long time.
My wishes for making all his an Adventure and not wanting it to go to waste are still there.
An adventure it has been and I'm not tooooo sre what not wanting it to go to waste means.
Just had my lunch and then went to brosh my teeth and I missed Aunt Bea explaining how she put a dent in the car she ain' bought yet...
Anywo, that's a long time.
Well. last night my Friend Griff stopped by. And what a surprise as he lives on the Olympic Pennisula in Washington.
He didn't stay long, but his words of wisdom, as usual, made not only a huge amount of sense but made me feel good as they do when I choose to ask and then listen.
The one point he drove home was that there is nothing I can do to change what has happened in the past and some...or many...of the things that are going to happen in the future. There are things that are entirely out of my control and there's one of two ways that I can react abut what has happened and what will happen. I can either be really pissed off and let the Dark Side rule how I think and act and caue me to become uncommunicable and depressed on both the inside and out. It'll also afect those who care for me and who want the best for me including geting well.
Or.......................
I can accept the fact that there is absolutely nothing I can do to change the past or many things, but not all, in the future. To remember that people who say, "I gusss it's just meant to be" or "Everything happens for a reason" are just using cliches to try and soften te unexplainable and that I should suggest to them they read, "When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold Kushnner."
He went on to tell me cliches are good for explaining physical laws, like gravity but have no bearing when it comes to the spiritual and that we are not human beings having spiritual experiences now and then but rather we are spiritual beings frequently enduring human experiences.
And in a brief minute or to he made me realize the obvious...that, yes it's been over a year but there is a light at the end of the tunnel where once there was none.
...and now it's 3 days since that wake up thing...
It's Sunday and I slept in and I have no clue how that happened. I don't remember them coming in at 6:00am to wake me up and give me meds and take my vitals. I don't remember them bringing my breakfast and setting it on my tray. But "worst" of all, I don't remember Bruce and Bonnie being here to take me to church...it's not their job to wake me up, I just don't remember them being here...and for not being ready I owe them a huge apology.
Soooooo, it's Sunday of Memorial Day Weekend, no scheduled therapy although I'll probably do some laps around the facility, but it's such a pain in the derriere to lug around the portable oxygen. I can hardly wait for the cough and crud to go away so my lungs will get back to normal and I won't have to tote the oxygen around and I can get back on track for gettin' outa here.
Matt's comin' up for "lupper".
If "brunch" is the term for a meal that is twixt the traditional times of breakfast and lunch, what is the apolitical correct term for a meal that happens twixt lunch and supper?
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
How come nobody will listen to me?
Today the Occupational Therapy department did a Safety evaluation of my house which is part of the discharge process. While there the gal that did it checked my oxygen saturation level and freaked because it was 81%.
For normal people, 90% is the benchmark, for people like me who have COPD, a.k.a. emphysema, we hang out in the mid 80%s.
Last Saturday I began to feel shitty and wound up staying in bed all day Sunday and developed a nagging cough.
Monday my Dr. said I was just coming down with the “crud” that’s going around and put me back on 1.5 liters (not much) of oxygen o help with my breathing.
Well, this afternoon everybody except me panicked at the 81% after I got back from the evaluation and said that I needed to go to the hospital and get checked out.
I cried, “Bullshit” and thought I had made my point.
In the meantime Bert stopped by for a visit when all of a sudden there are 3 paramedics and a gurney trying to load me up and take me to the hospital…which is one block away!
Well, a verbal war broke out. No way was I going to endorse a $3,000 1 block ride in an ambulance but I thought the whole thing a waste of time.
I wound up refusing the opportunity to go lights and siren for one block but agreed to go to the hospital to get checked out.
Bert drove me over, stayed for a bit…it’s about 4:00… and I wound up having a catscan, blood work and tests (for the third day in a row at the hospital) and with all the waiting involved it was pushing 9:00 before the med-brains at the hospital decided there was nothing the matter with me except the vestiges of the crud.
Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, by the time the rehab got a wheelchair over to the hospital, better than an ambulance, because they wouldn’t let me walk it was 10:00ish before I got “home”.
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh.
For normal people, 90% is the benchmark, for people like me who have COPD, a.k.a. emphysema, we hang out in the mid 80%s.
Last Saturday I began to feel shitty and wound up staying in bed all day Sunday and developed a nagging cough.
Monday my Dr. said I was just coming down with the “crud” that’s going around and put me back on 1.5 liters (not much) of oxygen o help with my breathing.
Well, this afternoon everybody except me panicked at the 81% after I got back from the evaluation and said that I needed to go to the hospital and get checked out.
I cried, “Bullshit” and thought I had made my point.
In the meantime Bert stopped by for a visit when all of a sudden there are 3 paramedics and a gurney trying to load me up and take me to the hospital…which is one block away!
Well, a verbal war broke out. No way was I going to endorse a $3,000 1 block ride in an ambulance but I thought the whole thing a waste of time.
I wound up refusing the opportunity to go lights and siren for one block but agreed to go to the hospital to get checked out.
Bert drove me over, stayed for a bit…it’s about 4:00… and I wound up having a catscan, blood work and tests (for the third day in a row at the hospital) and with all the waiting involved it was pushing 9:00 before the med-brains at the hospital decided there was nothing the matter with me except the vestiges of the crud.
Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, by the time the rehab got a wheelchair over to the hospital, better than an ambulance, because they wouldn’t let me walk it was 10:00ish before I got “home”.
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Compromised immune system...
Last Friday I began to feel like maybe I was catching something and Saturday morning I knew I had.
Headache, low grade fever (100ish), achy joints ...not achy breaky heart..., nagging cough and no energy.
I had planned on walking both Saturday and Sunday for exercise, but all the exercise I got was gettin' up and goin' to the "powder room".
Today, Monday, came and I found myself being wheelchaired over to the hospital...like one block away. That terrified me because it seems like everytime I go there, be it for x-rays or whatever I get captured and wind up inpatient for a month or so.
Wellst, I had a chest x-ray and blood work...and then they wouldn't let me go until everything had been reviewed by some Doctors.
It was determined that I probably just had acquired the crud that's going around.
But I was sweatin' it waiting for those Docs to look over the x-rays and the blood work.
And speaking of blood work, implanted in my upper left chest is something that's been called a Hickman, but I refer to it as a Tri-fecta because it has three lines sticking out which have been variously usedd for chemo, blood draws, transfusions, and administration of a lot of other "stuff". Then implanted in my upper right chest is a Super Port which is used for much of the same things as the Tri-fecta but not nearly as often. I've had both of them for over a year, yet sometimes, like today, "they" decide "they" need to poke me with needles for blood draws.
Today they had to poke around both arms to draw blood and like a good trooper I just grinned and beared it.
They, different than "they", just came in and took my vitals...blood pressure 85/56 (Wow, for a guy with hugh blood pressure that's really low!), Oxygen saturation 91% (It's only been recently that I have cosistentl been over the 90% mark which is the benchmark, I've got COPD on top of everything else and for years my Oxygen saturation hung around the mid-80s, pulse 60 and respirations 16.
So, other than an upside down spike in BP, I'm doing ok vitals wise.
I'm still thinkin' I'll be outa here within the next couple of weeks, and the only thing that cocerns me is that de to the drugs and steroids I've been made a temporary diabetic and get my blood sugar level checked about 5 times a day followed by an insulin shot.
I haven't asked about that, i.e. what I'm gonna do about that when I leave here because that might be construed as my beginning to request leaving when I've committed to staying until I'm told by some powers who know more than I do what's best for me.
I titled this post "Compromised immune system" because that's what I have. Will I always be compromised?
Dunno.
Wonderin' though if I oughta by stock in "Wellbourne" and use one every time I go out and am around people.
Does that stuff work?
Headache, low grade fever (100ish), achy joints ...not achy breaky heart..., nagging cough and no energy.
I had planned on walking both Saturday and Sunday for exercise, but all the exercise I got was gettin' up and goin' to the "powder room".
Today, Monday, came and I found myself being wheelchaired over to the hospital...like one block away. That terrified me because it seems like everytime I go there, be it for x-rays or whatever I get captured and wind up inpatient for a month or so.
Wellst, I had a chest x-ray and blood work...and then they wouldn't let me go until everything had been reviewed by some Doctors.
It was determined that I probably just had acquired the crud that's going around.
But I was sweatin' it waiting for those Docs to look over the x-rays and the blood work.
And speaking of blood work, implanted in my upper left chest is something that's been called a Hickman, but I refer to it as a Tri-fecta because it has three lines sticking out which have been variously usedd for chemo, blood draws, transfusions, and administration of a lot of other "stuff". Then implanted in my upper right chest is a Super Port which is used for much of the same things as the Tri-fecta but not nearly as often. I've had both of them for over a year, yet sometimes, like today, "they" decide "they" need to poke me with needles for blood draws.
Today they had to poke around both arms to draw blood and like a good trooper I just grinned and beared it.
They, different than "they", just came in and took my vitals...blood pressure 85/56 (Wow, for a guy with hugh blood pressure that's really low!), Oxygen saturation 91% (It's only been recently that I have cosistentl been over the 90% mark which is the benchmark, I've got COPD on top of everything else and for years my Oxygen saturation hung around the mid-80s, pulse 60 and respirations 16.
So, other than an upside down spike in BP, I'm doing ok vitals wise.
I'm still thinkin' I'll be outa here within the next couple of weeks, and the only thing that cocerns me is that de to the drugs and steroids I've been made a temporary diabetic and get my blood sugar level checked about 5 times a day followed by an insulin shot.
I haven't asked about that, i.e. what I'm gonna do about that when I leave here because that might be construed as my beginning to request leaving when I've committed to staying until I'm told by some powers who know more than I do what's best for me.
I titled this post "Compromised immune system" because that's what I have. Will I always be compromised?
Dunno.
Wonderin' though if I oughta by stock in "Wellbourne" and use one every time I go out and am around people.
Does that stuff work?
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